hate what i've become

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by goneforever, Feb 12, 2014.

  1. goneforever

    goneforever Active Member

    growing up with no father there for me mentally and physical broke me down. I hate what I see today.. my body is full of scars.. im a monster that cant show love or be loved. I want to hide and disappear.. why was I born? if my father was just planning on abandoning me why would he bring me into this world? Sure things happen between people that separate them but don't bring a life into this fucking world if your going to throw it away. Now I sit here alone.. fearfull that everyday I wake up I might end my life. The worst part is I fight to stay alive because I don't want to bring this upon my mother and sister.. I don't want them to have to wonder why I killed myself. They don't understand me and they never will.. nobody will .. I feel trapped and stuck in this position where I have to suffer so I don't hurt others.
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry you grew up without a father and that it is still such a source of pain to you. Have you tried to get help dealing with these feelings from a medical professional?
  3. justastrangegirl

    justastrangegirl Well-Known Member

    You are loved by your family and friends. You are deeply loved.
  4. someguy24

    someguy24 Well-Known Member

    I think everyone can be loved in the right mindset, and if I for example have that intention then its possible. I'm guessing you suffer from anxiety and depression no? Are you receiving good treatment? What about counselling? Your father did something with lack of judgment and compassion but it is common and we could do things about it so that other people don't suffer as much and that it doesn't happen.