I tell them how bad im feeling. Hopeless, helpless,very irritable and angry. Worthless and lots of self condemnation, im cutting and its getting deeper to get the same effect. I feel like physically acting my anger out. And today my counselor and my therapist didnt ask if i was suicidal. And i cant bring myself to just say it. I need them to initiate it. Or do they just not care. I have it all set up. I should have everything in order by the date that i set today. And i think its pretty ironic. The date will be the birthday of my ex sister. And things got very sticky with her after my ex. Nobody knows how far my thinking goes. I feel like im living in two worlds. Or that im two people. One that smiles and sweet talks. And the one thats real and cant stand people. Hates her life and everthing about it. And just wants out. And everyone thinks is ok. I cant stand to breathe one more breath.