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Hating life

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by DariaJane, Jan 9, 2013.

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  1. DariaJane

    DariaJane Active Member

    I just read a sticky that describes how I feel, " Almost impossible to believe when every cell in your body seems to cry out in agony, desperately in need of comfort. When it feels like the only thing in the whole world that can touch your pain and banish it is beyond your grasp."

    I hate everything about my life, going to bed, waking up, everyday just existing. I live alone and evidently am such a horrible person that no one wants to be my friend or spend time with me except for the occasional visit from my sons.

    I don't really have the energy right now to go into the gory details of my life, but it feels like a complete failure and I seem to be trying to live up to that more and more. I have made more than 13 attempts to just get it over with, even failed at that so I don't think I would even try again. The lack of mental health care I get which is mandated by court right now is pathetic. I cannot afford a therapist that is decent. I saw one last way back in November and feel myself sinking down. My next appointment is Jan. 24th! My medicine is not working, it never has, recently had changed. My therapist is not my type that helps me, she is hard hitting plus she has 200 patients!

    When every moment is misery and loneliness what do you do? I avoid the world because it hurts to see others that have a life and friends. I feel like my life ended 7 years ago when I broke down and was diagnosed with borderline personality, already had severe depression. I guess I am just waiting to die. What a way to live huh? Or not live really.

  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Daria and welcome...so glad you decided to post...there are so many members who have experienced loneliness and isolation and have found good company here...please continue to post and to reach out to those who you feel akin with...also, my PM box is always open so please feel free to let me know how I can support you...we are glad you are here and welcome again
  3. DariaJane

    DariaJane Active Member

    Thanks Sad Eyes for the welcome. Yes, feeling pretty rough today and it is hard to tell if it is just depression or a physical ailment too. I will write more later, hopefully can get to sleep soon. I think I need to go to the doctor. I went to the mental health center today and they were tons of help. (sarcasm). I need to find a decent therapist that I can afford if there is such a creature that exists! Again, thanks for writing.

  4. Vivek85

    Vivek85 Active Member

    Way to focus on actively seeking help.

    Consider writing down your basic personal criteria for a helpful mental health professional and presenting it to relevant people in the mental health center you went to. Don't compromise when you don't have to.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Nice to meet you hun and i do hope you post again and continue to use SF as support ok hugs to you
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