Hi guys.
Been doing it pretty rough recently. Been suggesting from depression for last 8 years but only been diagnosed for 2. Before that I just dealt with life how I thought everyone did not realising that actually I was sick. It all started when I had to leave the forces and then my best friend was killed in action. For last 2 years I've been suffering with depression and anxiety and the fact I haven't dealt with stuff before.
3 months ago my marriage broke down and in turn I've lost my house and am living with my parents. I'm off work sick as I just can't concentrate or deal with people. I'm feel like I'm also on the verge of losing my job as I've already had a warning about my sick leave (due to depression).
Things have been pretty dark and am struggling to see a way forward. I hate night time because my brain won't turn off and I lie in bed thinking of everything that's gone wrong. In turn I end up sleeping in very late as I'm tired but I also can't find any real reason to get up. I've also started to think everyone would be better off without me, I have my method of suicide all planned out just can't bring myself to do it cos of my parents. (I'm 37 btw). I am pretty addicted to visiting suicide forums everyday which doesn't help but I can't shake my curiosities.
I don't know why I'm posting this or what I hope to achieve. I guess I just wanted to write something down.
I've been referred to my local mental health team but it seems to be taking forever to get seen by the referred therapies that I am waiting for. I'm on venlafaxine, flupenthixol and zopiclone. Feel like I should rattle when I walk.* I also feel like I'm going out of my mind half the time.
Cheers for reading.*
Been doing it pretty rough recently. Been suggesting from depression for last 8 years but only been diagnosed for 2. Before that I just dealt with life how I thought everyone did not realising that actually I was sick. It all started when I had to leave the forces and then my best friend was killed in action. For last 2 years I've been suffering with depression and anxiety and the fact I haven't dealt with stuff before.
3 months ago my marriage broke down and in turn I've lost my house and am living with my parents. I'm off work sick as I just can't concentrate or deal with people. I'm feel like I'm also on the verge of losing my job as I've already had a warning about my sick leave (due to depression).
Things have been pretty dark and am struggling to see a way forward. I hate night time because my brain won't turn off and I lie in bed thinking of everything that's gone wrong. In turn I end up sleeping in very late as I'm tired but I also can't find any real reason to get up. I've also started to think everyone would be better off without me, I have my method of suicide all planned out just can't bring myself to do it cos of my parents. (I'm 37 btw). I am pretty addicted to visiting suicide forums everyday which doesn't help but I can't shake my curiosities.
I don't know why I'm posting this or what I hope to achieve. I guess I just wanted to write something down.
I've been referred to my local mental health team but it seems to be taking forever to get seen by the referred therapies that I am waiting for. I'm on venlafaxine, flupenthixol and zopiclone. Feel like I should rattle when I walk.* I also feel like I'm going out of my mind half the time.
Cheers for reading.*