Hating the word victim?

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yozhik

Well-Known Member
#1
Does anyone else absolutely hate being called a victim? There are all these words like rape, abuse, victim and pain that really piss me off. Not with regards to other people but like relating to myself. The second someone drops one I like physically react and feel unreasonably angry like bitch, that never happened I don't remember what you think you need to come rescue me because you're some kind of hero and I can't handle life? But when someone is like 'nothing happened' I'm like I am going to drive a stake through that tumor you call a heart, you cold humanized leech with a dying sponge for a brain, too bad you can't use it to wash your soul.

So I'm kinda realizing ...that's some low key mixed signalling. I totally insist that I'm fine and then get annoyed when everyone treats me like I'm fine, but then I have nothing to say. I don't even know what I'm trying to say right now. I guess I'm hoping someone else does lol.
 

Magalee

Hold on to hope
#2
Would you rather people say survivor instead of victim? Do you dislike being called a victim because it sounds like it's a permanent condition, that you can never recover?
 

yozhik

Well-Known Member
#3
No actually I don't like that either lol. Like for victims you feel sympathy...and I don't want anyone's sympathy. Especially not my own like I spent like 85% of my life just feeling bad and not doing anything; I've used up my sympathy quota. And for survivors there's this this connotation of accomplishment...and I don't deserve that. I've been more of a danger to myself than anyone else. So I guess I feel like those words are for people who stood up for themselves and didn't feed into everything and make stuff worse...and I didn't do that. I don't feel like I was right like I had the power to prevent or lessen the harm of whatever happened and I just couldn't get it together.

Idk that's probably some first class victim blaming
 

yozhik

Well-Known Member
#5
Lol touche. I just feel like I chose to bail out the boat with a teaspoon so I'm still sinking when I could have like at least used the bucket. Like if dumbass-survivor was a term I think I'd be okay with that.
 

Magalee

Hold on to hope
#6
Well, seems a bit harsh for someone who's experienced a traumatic event. Each person's recovery is different, so maybe give yourself a break!
 
#7
I strongly dislike the term 'victim' as well. Especially when it's applied to me. I feel that it's over used and it denotes a sense of fragility or powerlessness that I just don't feel. That, and I feel like sometimes it's just time to let things go. If people around me keep describing me as a victim, I will never be able to move past the things that I was once a victim of. I'm not sure if that makes sense?

I experienced abuse as a child. I am not a victim of it. The difference is in perspective. It does not control me, nor does it dictate my life. I don't need people to give me sympathy for it when I tell them about it. It had a part in making me who I am today, but so did having siblings and music and books and all kinds of other things I've experienced.

Don't get me wrong, I am not judging anyone else. This is just how I feel about the term being applied to me.
 

Fudgewobble

Well-Known Member
#8
An interesting discussion. Thanks for starting it.

I've shrunk from the word 'victim' my whole life and used to tell people that my experiences and mistakes have made me the person I am today, the good and not so good. It was not going to define me!

I was kidding myself!! I avoided truly acknowledging that what was done to me for many years impacted how I view the world, how I trust, how I feel about myself, how I handle the good things in my life. I blamed myself for it all and for how I then mothered my child, because I was not a victim.

Of course it can bring out the inner strength and determination to fight, but it also brought all of us here. Let's face it, many of us are here because abuse as a child caused damage. Does it have to define our whole life? Of course not. Can we heal? Of course we can. At least that's my plan.

Shrugging off our past when intense trauma is involved is like throwing salt over the shoulder and believing it will bring good luck.

The negative self talk that messes with our heads needs to be dealt with, seen for what it is and worked on. Maybe it will never fully resolve, maybe it will. I choose the latter.

Am I a victim of sexual abuse and neglect? Yes I am!
Am I a fighter? Yes I am!
Does a word define me ? No it doesn't. It's just a word and I don't need pity. I would love understanding though.

One of those 'feel good' posts people put up on Facebook that says,

There's no point in looking to what's gone before, it's already over.
There's no point in looking ahead, as tomorrow never comes.
Just live in the now to find true happiness.

Although you could argue that these are wise and inspirational words, I say BS! That person has obviously not been sexually abused at an age for years when they should have been skipping rope and playing with dolls.

A victim doesn't mean staying stuck in the past and wallowing in self pity. But unless you face the past with honesty, you can end up with it coming back to haunt you multiple times throughout life and wondering why you wreck everything good that happens to you.

A little bit of self projection going here me thinks! Lol
 
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