As most of you know im new here but my feelings are getting more intense toward hate and revenge, the suicidal part of me has not changed. I was chilling at my home last thursday when I decided to go for a walk to the neighborhood park. unknown to me some of my old friends where there, I had no idea I would see them. I didnt much care for either of them. One stepped away toward his car the other said "come here" i said why he said "cause we need to settle some shit" (someone lied to him ). Next thing i know hes trying to hit me i got him in the throat pretty hard I got brought to the ground hard and I had my head smashed into pavment about 8 times (I think it was about 8 times). I woke up and it was night time. I had a splitting head ache and had some blood on my shirt. I got up and lit up a ciggarette and started to think how the hell did i end up all beat up. I can fight but he was stronger than me.... He just had the advantage.
So i went home and got all cleaned up just some big bruises on my head arms and back, it was nothing i couldnt handle. I just went on with life not thinking how could i get him back or why he had motives to fight. As two days went by i started to get really angry at everyone, snappy too.
Then i thought "well <mod edit - inappropriate>, then take your own life, what a better way to go!". Since that thought, i dont care about a thing but revenge i just want to get back or somthing. When i found out who lied to him i felt like i was stabbed in the back, it was my best friend. Revenge didnt seem so great anymore not after hearing that my best bud was saying shit behind my back, i felt like <Mod Edit - inappropriate> but i didnt. I still thought of ways to end my life and get even, as that thought radiated through my head head another came to join it, "Well fuck everything, life seems stupid, just a bunch of tasks we have to get through each day, no fun. From cradle to death, we are born, raised, taught, addelesant, adult, retiree and last death, it doesnt seem that great so why not get it all over with. I <Mod Edit - methods> ending a life.
I still wonder what else life could offer to me love, money, it just doesnt seem worth it at all. Our lives seem like a waste because of other peoples actions and desicions unless your the president you just stuck in the middle paying taxes paying to live a life that was ment to be free. I dont know how long i might be around im spiraling out of control.:dead:
So i went home and got all cleaned up just some big bruises on my head arms and back, it was nothing i couldnt handle. I just went on with life not thinking how could i get him back or why he had motives to fight. As two days went by i started to get really angry at everyone, snappy too.
Then i thought "well <mod edit - inappropriate>, then take your own life, what a better way to go!". Since that thought, i dont care about a thing but revenge i just want to get back or somthing. When i found out who lied to him i felt like i was stabbed in the back, it was my best friend. Revenge didnt seem so great anymore not after hearing that my best bud was saying shit behind my back, i felt like <Mod Edit - inappropriate> but i didnt. I still thought of ways to end my life and get even, as that thought radiated through my head head another came to join it, "Well fuck everything, life seems stupid, just a bunch of tasks we have to get through each day, no fun. From cradle to death, we are born, raised, taught, addelesant, adult, retiree and last death, it doesnt seem that great so why not get it all over with. I <Mod Edit - methods> ending a life.
I still wonder what else life could offer to me love, money, it just doesnt seem worth it at all. Our lives seem like a waste because of other peoples actions and desicions unless your the president you just stuck in the middle paying taxes paying to live a life that was ment to be free. I dont know how long i might be around im spiraling out of control.:dead:
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