Hatred, Revenge, Anger, Selfishness, witch is it?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by UmbrellaCorpSoldier, Dec 23, 2008.

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  1. As most of you know im new here but my feelings are getting more intense toward hate and revenge, the suicidal part of me has not changed. I was chilling at my home last thursday when I decided to go for a walk to the neighborhood park. unknown to me some of my old friends where there, I had no idea I would see them. I didnt much care for either of them. One stepped away toward his car the other said "come here" i said why he said "cause we need to settle some shit" (someone lied to him :mad:). Next thing i know hes trying to hit me i got him in the throat pretty hard I got brought to the ground hard and I had my head smashed into pavment about 8 times (I think it was about 8 times). I woke up and it was night time. I had a splitting head ache and had some blood on my shirt. I got up and lit up a ciggarette and started to think how the hell did i end up all beat up. I can fight but he was stronger than me.... He just had the advantage.

    So i went home and got all cleaned up just some big bruises on my head arms and back, it was nothing i couldnt handle. I just went on with life not thinking how could i get him back or why he had motives to fight. As two days went by i started to get really angry at everyone, snappy too.

    Then i thought "well <mod edit - inappropriate>, then take your own life, what a better way to go!". Since that thought, i dont care about a thing but revenge i just want to get back or somthing. When i found out who lied to him i felt like i was stabbed in the back, it was my best friend. Revenge didnt seem so great anymore not after hearing that my best bud was saying shit behind my back, i felt like <Mod Edit - inappropriate> but i didnt. I still thought of ways to end my life and get even, as that thought radiated through my head head another came to join it, "Well fuck everything, life seems stupid, just a bunch of tasks we have to get through each day, no fun. From cradle to death, we are born, raised, taught, addelesant, adult, retiree and last death, it doesnt seem that great so why not get it all over with. I <Mod Edit - methods> ending a life.

    I still wonder what else life could offer to me love, money, it just doesnt seem worth it at all. Our lives seem like a waste because of other peoples actions and desicions unless your the president you just stuck in the middle paying taxes paying to live a life that was ment to be free. I dont know how long i might be around im spiraling out of control.:dead:
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 23, 2008
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Umbrellacorpsoldier,

    Welcome to SF. I'm glad you found us :)

    I'm sorry to hear you have been betrayed by your best friend. Losing the trust of someone close to you will always be hard but in the end it's best to forgive and move on with your life. Please put <Mod Edit - methods>, out of your reach. Life has lots to offer when you have the right attitude towards it. Also to help you move on from the assault, perhaps file a police complaint.

    I hope you feel better, you are not alone :hug:

    Thinking of you,Lynn.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 23, 2008
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello UCL,
    It sounds like to me you need to confront your ex-best friend! Find out why he would tell lies to these ppl!! Then I would make him go to these ppl and tell them he lied or you will kick his ass. You need to put <Mod Edit - methods> out of your reach. Going <Mod Edit - inappropriate> will only put your butt in jail and then you will have a whole new set of problems. Including once you get out you will be unemployable because you will have a record.
    You need to be strong right now and stay determined about your ex-friend sets things straight!! Good Luck to you!!~Joseph
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 23, 2008
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