Have a laugh! :)

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by titanic, Apr 7, 2008.

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  1. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    What thoughts are these of mine
    which torment and plaque like creeping vine

    Alive or dead? To whom does it matter
    When the windows in my world just slam
    And shatter

    I feel for whom for what’s inside
    Twisted emotions being drawn like
    The tide

    Just for a moment let me see
    For what reason I am meant to be

    Only I understand the cow,
    says the meat-grinder. Don't
    tamper with the human mind,
    says the shrink.

    Though God has been imprisoned
    within us and subjected to drugs,
    shock, isolation and all the other
    therapies, ancient and modern,
    he still suffers under the illusion
    that he is God.

    I'm an answering machine. In my last lifetime,
    I sat behind a desk, and whenever anyone wanted to do anything,
    I said it couldn't be done because of regulations.
    As a reward, I was reborn an answering machine.
    If I do a good job and get you to leave your name and number after the beep,
    next lifetime I get to be a wood tick. If I do a bad job,
    they'll make me be a psychiatrist...so
    PLEASE leave your name and number.
    Why do psychiatrists fear
    new religions?
    Because there is no cure
    for the common cult.
    How many shrinks does it take
    to turn on the light?
    Three: One to press the switch and
    two to hold down the light bulb.

    What's the difference between God and a psychiatrist?
    God doesn't think he's a psychiatrist.
    Magazine tests – Are you depressed?
    Do you have Attention Deficit Disorder?
    They never give you the test for sanity?
    What are the characteristics of the UNdepressed (manic?)
    or the Attention Surplus people?
    And if you have some depressed traits
    along with some undepressed traits,
    should you be treated for SI (Symptom Irregularity)?
    Well, think for yourself. But don't do it
    in the presence of anyone who is liable to decide
    that thought is a chemical disorder of the brain.
    Shrinks define all behavior as abnormal:
    All roads lead to syndrome.,
    every path a psychopath.

    My memories were painful,
    So they took out a brain-full.
    You really meant a lot to me
    before my mentalotomy.

    Flash: Mental Health experts announce
    that abusive priests suffer from
    a psychiatric diocese.

    To become a psychiatrist,
    one must first become a doctor,
    psychiatry being considered the medical specialty
    where one learns to doctor
    research results.
    The bad news is that psychiatry has decided
    man is nothing but meat.
    The good news, nutritionally speaking,
    is that psychiatry can convert that meat
    to vegetables.

    Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist
    for help needs his head examined.
    Why is Modern Poetry so Depressing?
    It's so prosy! In fact, it might be called
    a Prozactivity.
    Safe as Houses
    She was determined to get in. She dared a glance in through the window. It was very dark and very quiet. She tugged at the window catch, desperate to open it. It wouldn’t budge. She walked around the house, again. Still no way in. She should leave. But she knew that tomorrow she would come back, again. She always came back. She had been coming here for years. She was determined to get in. She strode around the house, again. She stopped in front of the door. It was very small, Only waist high, No handle, just a large, forged lock. She huffed! Was there no way in, damn it! Finally! She gave in to the emotion And lashed out. The door swung open. She stood there amazed. It wasn’t even locked! Had it ever been? The woman crouched to the floor and peered through the door. It was dark, but she could make out a small pair of eyes in the furthest corner. They looked frightened and wary. “it’s okay”, said the woman tenderly, in a voice filled with strength, “it’s safe to come out now!” But nothing moved and not a sound was heard. “I know you are there!” She persisted in a whisper; “I’ve come to get you out.” And with that she began to ease her way in. It was a very small house: it wasn’t build for bigger people. Gently the woman pushed her way in. Cracks began appearing in the walls. Softly, she pushed further. Her heart was rumbling. Then, suddenly crumbling, pretence tumbling, The house collapsed. Smiling at last! For the first time in ages, The woman stood up. There was a small child cradled protectively against her chest. She gazed down lovingly. “Hello you,” she whispered. “Hello me!” Shouted the child, The woman looked up at herself and smiled.
  2. Those are freakin' brilliant!! Can think of which one to comment on - I love 'em ALL! :biggrin:

    (I'm a sucker for irony and sarcasm - they always speak profound but uncommon truth to me...)
  3. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

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