Have an urge to fuck it all up again.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by pogosticker, Apr 13, 2012.

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  1. pogosticker

    pogosticker Well-Known Member

    I'm waiting for my sister to go to bed so I can cut myself. I don't even know why. Been 5 months since my last 'incident', but lately I've just been feeling it building again.

    I'm so fucked up and I don't know why. There's nothing that's even bothering me and things in my life have improved so much, but I have these self destructive urges. It's like I don't want to be happy.

    I don't know.
  2. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    It's a terrible feeling being clean for so long and then wanting to throw it all away. I know how you feel. I went 18 months, then slipped. Try talking to someone, a friend, family member, or even someone on here. It's an addiction, which is probably why you feel that you need to do it. I'm here if you need someone to talk to.
  3. aussiegal

    aussiegal Well-Known Member

    I have been having the problem of strong urges after such a long time lately. Just wondering if (apart from times of relapse) does the daily struggle not to cut get any easier? Or is it a constant thing?
  4. Degenerate Escapist

    Degenerate Escapist Well-Known Member

    I hope you can resist this. It's nice to hear things are better for you, but even when things get good, habits are hard to break. You might not need to cope with anything, but you know there's release on the edge of that blade, and in the end you will feel better.. You've gone a long time. Even if you fail to hold it back, you should be proud of yourself. :)

    I would think it would.
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