Have attempted suicide on sunday :(

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by psilocybin420, Sep 3, 2008.

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  1. psilocybin420

    psilocybin420 Member

    My life has not always been completely terrible,i remember it being great before I had become suicidal, had never thought of suicide much except perhaps just a passing thought, then thinking, well thats really stupid. My dad has never been good at holding down work. the time i was happiest was when i was a child in pahrump, nevada. since then i had some problems with weed, alcohol, shrooms, speed, ect. it had allready destroyed my sence of humor along with some of my personality, and taken alot of fun out of my existence. I was lucky and got sober probly around 18, found good work, with directv and other stuff. then my friend hippy stan gave me a shitload of acid, laced on an altoid, and ive never really recovered much from it. after that it must have triggered a deep depression/bipolare/mental illness along with feeling -fryed-

    I honestly dont know what to do. I started having alot of neck and back pain, mainly neck pain severe neck pain, this isnt pain that leaves but its with me consistently along with the depression and anxiety. right now im taking the klonopin for anxiety 1 mg or a little more a day usually. If i go off it I have withdrawls and the doctors i see i hate cuz they are terrible about making sure i have enough to last so i dont have to face the withdrawls. benzo withdrawl is hell.

    for the neck pain I started self medicating with something called poppy pod tea. its esencially tea made from the poppy pod the opium poppy, so its basically codiene and morphine tea. It does a great job at relieving pain and anxiety.

    well, I had run out of the poppy tea, and my neck and back pain was back full force. I had had enough of this shitty lonely depressing existence. My doc, who is supposed to help me with pain management, has given me nothing that can relieve this pain, just meds that havent worked like robaxin and aleve.

    <mod edit: methods> I found the place I felt would be the perfect place to die, from a tree. some people say its lack of courage to get drunk for suicide <mod edit: methods>. scary shit. as if death wasnt already scary enough. Im not big on drinking. <mod edit: methods> i was drunk, and the rope was too long so my toes hit the ground... and my human response kicked in as i struggled for air. I still felt myself begining to black out. after that i tryed at a home where no one lived, i went inside and was so drunk i was completely exasted so i just went to sleep. <mod edit: methdos> I dont know whats going to happon but this life is more miserable and just too shitty. I have bipolar and other mental shit so its hard to hold down a job or even find one for that fact. I havent the strength or energy to continue with this existence, and i have had several suicidal thoughts for the past couple years. I hate dealing with thinking about suicide, attempting suicide, trying to find ways to keep living or finding ways to die. I hate it so much. what is causing my brain to constantly think of ways to die? its just too much for me to take. thanks if you read this :O)
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 4, 2008
  2. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i hear ya when you say you're tired of your brain thinking of ways to die. i'm in the same boat. i'm sorry things are so tough for you. please hang on things can improve. i have to believe they can. please take care and please stay safe.
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