Have been fantasizing about it for a couple of years

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by lemepris, Nov 15, 2012.

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  1. lemepris

    lemepris New Member

    Hi, I never thought I'd be signing up to contribute to and be part of a suicide forum. But here I am.

    I am 40 years old in 3 months. I'm a woman living in NYC, and couldn't be more depressed.

    In the last 3 years I have lost 3 (senior level) jobs at very prestigious companies, have estranged my family (who live overseas) and friends, have driven my husband to the brink, developed an uncontrollable adderall addiction (which I've just quit, cold turkey) and last week, got fired again from my newest job that I only started 4 months ago. I can't get out of bed, my husband is patient but he is wondering where his wife has gone...the one with all the ambition and confidence who now just wants to sleep all day and eat. I've gained 10lbs in 3 weeks. Throughout the last three years I've develoed a terrible spending habit, literally hundreds of thousands of dollars on crap - and no savings and no retirement and no house... I rent.

    I've thought about suicide before over the years, but I'd like to have someone explain to me why it's "not an option". Seems like a damned fine way to leave this mess I've created before I cause anyone else any more misery. Help.? :apologetic:
  2. sully

    sully New Member

    Because it get's better. I know i'm the least person to give you advise because i'm suffering as well. Because it get better. perhaps i'm talking jiberish, but still, it get's better. There is a comic site which is about inspirational and motivational quotes. I read it every time whenever i'm depressed. But hopefully it will for you too. It's Zenpencils. I know it's not much, but start from the beginning and work your way through you might find some quotes that relate to you.
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi lemepris, I am sorry not to have found your post sooner than now - but I hope you will not give up on SF because of not being able to find much support. Sometimes the "turnover traffic" can get quite slow I've discovered. I am sorry for how you're feeling about your situation honey. I also know that it is possible to find hope again. Suicide not "being an option" for most people is based on a lot of things, there isn't a one-liner that can do it. Of course, the fact is that many push through the barriers and do it anyway, but SF is all about finding other ways - new and deeper insights to keep hope alive and strength to turn things around.

    I hope you come back to see if there are any more replies, and want to carry on. PM is also an option. Please take care, and tell yourself that you can do this :)
  4. mackaroni

    mackaroni Well-Known Member

    It gets better! I have attempted several times and didnt realize how bad I hurt my family until my own sister attempted herself and almost died. Now my sister has severe brain damage and will never have things in life the rest of us able bodied people. Her and I used to dream as kids of growing up, marrying the men of our dreams, working as hair stylists to the Hollywood Stars, and having bunches of kids. Now she cant even sit up on her own or talk. Every time I even consider suicide I look at her and think I will not put my family through that again. She is my only sibling and I dont want my parents and other family members to lose both of us. IT GETS BETTTER! I have my bad days of course otherwise I wouldnt be on this site, but when those bad moments come I think of my sister and the dreams that are now lost. Take good care of you and PM if you want to chat more!
  5. jayhdz

    jayhdz New Member

    Hello, my name is Jay. I'm just dealing with a lot on my hands, mom died a few months ago, lost my job and because of that my gf wants me to leave. I went out on a walk earlier and tought about just getting this overwith and kill myself.
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