Have messed up

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by clouds, Oct 23, 2010.

  1. clouds

    clouds Well-Known Member

    and now living with the consequences..I advise this thread may trigger extreme reactions in people..

    Ive felt very suicidle for quite some time and prior to start of September was convinced that If I killed myself the best thing for my two youngest daughters 10 and 14 was to die with me..After much thinking and planning I had what I thought was a pretty foolproof plan, I realised in time that it was wrong and I couldnt kill them only myself..I talked these thoughts and feelings which were causing me great distress with both my cpn and pdoc.. The doc decided best thing for him to do was to alert social services to the risk I posed to my girls, by this time I was desperate for help and didnt know what to do. I now attend the day hopsital at the short stay psychiatric unit of our local hospital. the pdoc and cpn acknowledge the risk to girls is greatly reduced, however social work dont see it like that.They can see only my diagnosis of bipolar and borderline personality disorder, the later causing great concern because as far as they see ther is no real treatment for such..So on Thursday of this week a child protection conference was called and after little debate but much speculation my children have been placed on the child protection register at risk of both physical and emtional abuse from me.. I still have custody of them but am amazed athow much power social work now have..They have talked to my 10 yrold and told her things I felt she didnt need to know, in language she didnt understand, despite me requesting they didnt do such a thing. They have also questioned my suitabilty to continue in my workplace..I work with adults with learning disabilities.I have been absent from work since end of august/begining of Sept.
    I know my own words and thoughts caused the problems but am totally overwhelmed by Thursday decision and no-onehas been in touch to tell me whats to happen next..It really makes mewonde if i was right to put up such a fight for life..I did o/d at start of Sept but was fofund by police and taken to hospital
  2. needhelp

    needhelp Member

    well i read about several cases where someone had killed his children too when doing a suicide. so i wonder how could you have that idea that your children would be better of dead?

    if you want a reason to life then im very certain your children are a very good one.

    how about you stay in therapy, and get a lawyer to help you with your problem.
    best thing is to look into the future and make things better, you cant change the past, but you can control your future.

    good luck and dont give up
  3. Kina

    Kina Member

    Oh dear, there IS real treatment for Borderline personality disorder, please don't give up hope. I have been living with it for who knows how long, but aware of it for over a decade. I have been in CBT and DBT skills groups for just as long. I no longer meet the criteria to the point where I would warrant a diagnosis, as of 4 years ago. I will not lie, it is a tough and can be a long journey, but very worth it.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Clouds...it is so terrible that you found a way to protect your children and had to pay the price...it is true, that protective services seems so inflexible, but there are ppl out there who really are out to hurt their children, and they always have to side on child protection...maybe it would be worth your time to speak to an attorney and see your rights and the best way to defend yourself...and about BPD, as said before, there are treatments for this dx...one needs to find someone specializing in the area, and there are great resources online...thanks for sharing with us and I am glad you and your daughters are with us...please continue to tell us what is going on for you...J
  5. clouds

    clouds Well-Known Member

    thank you; its a great piece of info