(Feel free to move to let it out, realized it was more of a vent half way through.) I know I bitch a lot on these boards but it's mostly because if I didn't vent on here I'd have no where to get my thoughts out. I figure a lot of you can understand the importance of getting them out and not letting them "grow" in my head. I just talked to my last "friend" for an hour and over the conversation I came to the realization that I really do have no one that I can talk to about my true feelings. She was the girl that I talked to about everything 4 years ago. We talked about what was stressing us, what we liked, and about relationships. I started talking to her because I needed to talk to someone about what was going on and she seemed like the person for it. I had only known her for about 2 weeks when I asked if I could discuss some things and from there we basically became each others shoulder to cry on. I came to University hoping that life would be different from before and university could be a fresh start with a new reputation. But I very quickly found out that things never change and the realization that I was always going to be "that guy" was crippling. I vented to my friend and it helped. We grew very close which leads me to my problem. I developed feelings for her. It's basically predictable since she's smart, funny and beautiful and the "hot guys" are hitting on her all the time. The problem is that now I obviously can't tell her what I'm thinking and feeling. I know she doesn't share the feelings I have and having her in my life, even just as a friend, is the only thing keeping me here at all. Now I'm left with absolutely no one to talk to about what I'm actually thinking and feeling. This forum helps some but there is only so much people who never actually meet you can do. I always do this. My brain always sees reality and says no but my heart doesn't care about the reality of life. For those of you that have never read any of my threads, I have never had a girlfriend (never kissed or even been on a date) and I turned 23 1 and a 1/2 weeks ago. I'm the type of guy that isn't good looking enough to just approach any girl. I prefer to get to know someone (relying in on my personality) and I find personality more important than looks. Granted I am attracted to looks (face is most important part) but if she isn't smart and funny it doesn't matter what she looks like. I get stuck as the "just friends" guy because I actually care about the person and I often listen to what girls want to talk about and give a male opinion. I find I have views that are more similar to the female perspective (raised in an all female house, mother, sister) but I do still look and think like a guy. It makes it easy for girls to talk to me and most importantly feel comfortable around me. But none see me as a guy worth having as a boyfriend. And I view a future without anyone to spend it with as pointless. I don't need to meet "the one" right now but I just want to know someone cares for me as something more than a friend. So I've lost the last person I could talk to candidly and now I'm left alone with my thoughts. I will wait long enough for her to leave me forever (I hope, it's so hard). I would never want to cause her any pain. Sorry for writing so long and if you made it all the way through, thank you.