I feel as if my life is getting worse and worse, and there's nothing I can do about it. I am fearful for my future. I work at as an admin at a law firm but I am trying to get a job elsewhere. Thing is, I don't know where or what to do. I have an MA in journalism but I cannot get a job in that field for the life of me. I got it 4 years ago and it is impossible for me to get a job there because my experience (3 years at a cable news station before grad school) and qualifications no longer matter. I spent four years doing some freelancing here and there, but for the most part I wasn't in that field. Besides, I am 30 and I can't work in entry-level jobs with 22 year olds because that would be mortifying. Also, I would like to have an active social life so I could eventually get married and have children, and in journalism you can't have that because the hours are so irregular. If you are wondering why I ever bothered to get an MA or go into this field in the first place, I really did think by now I would be in a more secure spot professionally. But there's no hope for that and I can't make the sacrifices to my personal life when I want certain things in that part of my life. So I'm trying to figure out what I should do besides news, and I can't seem to decide! I'm thinking about teaching but that would mean going back to school for my masters in that field and spending so much money which I don't have. Plus, where I live the schools are horrible and I don't want to end up teaching in those schools. Furthermore, my parents are overly involved in my life. My dad, who I never had good relations with, is constantly nagging me about getting a job in news. On a daily basis, he emails me job openings and nags me if I responded to them. He goes around saying that I want to be an on-air news reporter - which I never said I did. I try to talk sense into him, but he refuses to listen. He just wants me to be an anchor because it will be good for his massive ego. I also cannot tell him that I'm thinking about being a teacher because that would lead to a shouting match. He'll say I'm throwing away my education and I wasted money on my MA. If he ever does except that I'll be changing fields, he'll again hover over me and breathe down my neck. I cannot live around him and I find it to be impossible to even be in his presence (BTW, I live in the apartment of my parents' two family house). I am dreading Christmas, I really am. I cannot emphasize this enough: my dad is a heartless bastard. He often insults me and mocks me. He has physically threatened me earlier this year. Please do not say "oh forgive him, love him, he's your dad". No, he has always been a cancer in my life and there's no hope of ever having a relationship with him. My mom is the classic Stepford wife and she's always defending my dad. I used to turn to her for help, but lately its been obvious that she no longer cares - or I am finally noticing it. She either laughs off my problems like they are no big deal, tells me to smile like it would make my problems go away. If I ever bring up anything, she'll change the subject. Or, she'll come up with the dumbest solutions that make me think that she might be missing brain cells. I have two much older sisters that I have trouble communicating to. The first one is distant and has her own problems. She also blamed me when our dad threatened me. The second one is a total bitch and goes out of her way to make me feel inadequate. We've never gotten along and I have no connection to her at all. If you are wondering why am I not speaking to my friends about this, well I lost my friends this year. I had a small group that dropped me like a hat this summer without any word. I don't know what I said or did, but they gave me quite a cold shoulder to make it obvious they didn't want me around. Maybe I was too self-centered or negative, but it really hurt. Now I have absolutely no one in the world to talk to. I have my therapist who I see once a week and my psychiatrist. But that is all. I have been having more and more mental breakdowns in the past month, and they are starting to get scary. I was suicidal last week until the chat room here talked sense into me. I feel so scared, hopeless and frightened to live. I have no one to turn to. No one cares or no one gets it. It is so frustrating and lonely. Help!