Have recovered from bulimia but....

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Kaza, Sep 23, 2011.

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  1. Kaza

    Kaza Active Member

    Hi, I am about a year into recovery, doing really really well, so much so that Ive been told by doctors that someone with my history (was doing it for decades,not just years), my past trauma (abuse,bereavements,isolation) and my age (40), its very rare to kick mia to the kerb, but I did it and I am very happy. life is beautiful on the other side of mia and I never thought I would say that.

    Health wise, I have been really lucky, with recovery, a lot of minor things just disappeared or reversed themselves. But....I have been left with one thing and its something that I am trying not to worry about but I admit, i do, and a lot.
    I got an endoscopy done of my oesophegus (because of being so long in mia) and the consultant found pre cancerous cells. He has gone out of his way to reassure me about what he found. He said that he found them so early that if anything ever changes in the future (that they become cancerous), he can laser them off and that I will never develp oesophegal cancer. He said I could still have got these cells, even without the bulimia, because so many people can have them and never know (because they dont get endoscopies, until they get bad symptoms, I got mine done with no symptoms, just the history of mia).

    Despite him saying this, I feel as if I have a time bomb inside me. You see, my grandfather and three of my dads siblings all died from oesophegal cancer (ok, they drank and smoked a lot, I dont), so there is definitely a genetic weakness there, the main reason the consultant thinks I have the cells, not from the bulimia. It just freaks me out though, to think I have this thing inside me.

    I FEEL so strong physically, so good, so healthy, a different woman, life is so good without mia....I just wish I didnt have this thing inside me. Am I being stupid? It freaks me out so much. I wouldnt go back to mia because of it but I feel as if it kind of caught me out in the end.
  2. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    What I have learnt in life is that worrying never does any good and you should only think of a situation IF and when it becomes reality. Otherwise you put yourself through needless torment for nothing.
    Think only of today and leave tomorrow for when it gets here.
  3. Kaza

    Kaza Active Member

    Leif, thank you, this consultant said the same thing to me, when I told him about the bulimia (he didnt know why I had been referred to him). He said I could have died at any time over the last two decades from the ED and I didnt,somehow my body held up and held up well. He said to concentrate on being happy and enjoying life now without an ED and that I will be ok.

    You are right, i have to let the worry go.
  4. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    Smart man, your consultant! Worrying never does anything except make your life miserable and there is nothing you can do, so for me at least, I don't see any reason to entertain the notion of worrying over something you have no control over.

    You were very lucky indeed in regards to your bullimia - often most people do not realise just how serious an effect it can have on your body and believe that anorexia is more of a killer, when both are equally as dangerous not only to your present day health, but also the long term side effects that can develop.
    Taken from someone who has gone through 10 years of anorexia and still trying to recover, I can share your fears and relate in a lot of ways!
  5. Kaza

    Kaza Active Member

    Hi Leif, thanks again, you are so right in what you say about how people perceive anorexia and bulimia, I was the same for a long long time, I really thought anorexia was the killer and that bulimia was never really going to damage me. Ironically, I only tried to recover when I got a horrendous bladder infection which wouldnt go, the pain was so bad that I was willing to let go of the ED if it meant the pain went. It did and that (plus being strongly advised to look at gluten being an issue) is what started me on the road to real recovery.

    I am sorry to hear about you dealing with anorexia, I really hope you come out the other side as well.
  6. KimKim

    KimKim Well-Known Member

    You must feel horroble...it's way less seriouse but kind of similar with me...
    in ana-recovery and doing great...but my liver values are still awfull.
    as a child i had jaundice and my granny dyed from liver cirrhosis...isn't that motivating?
    But my doctor said she will not continue to test my blood since she is optimistic my body will deal with it. She told me to call in case i feel weak or become yellow .__.'
  7. BlueBelle

    BlueBelle New Member

    Hi Kaza. I know this post is a bit old, but I just felt like I had to respond. I will be 40 this year and have been bulimic since I was 15. I have been wasting my life for 25 years now and have been bulimic for longer than I was "normal". I had 1.5 years of recovery 5 years ago, but something bad happened and I spiraled down and haven't been able to get back up. I feel hopeless. I'd be gone already if I wasn't the only child willing to take care of my elderly parents. Do you really feel free from the bulimia? Do you still think about it or obsess over food? How did you go about learning to eat and feel okay with food in your stomach? I won't eat ANYTHING anymore that I am not going to purge. I just feel so lost and without hope.
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