I was going to do it tonight andthen I called my T like a moron and he like yelled at mee on the phone and said Im putting him on the spot for telling him and that he's supposed to call an ambulance. Im going to do it anyway I just dont want to screw it up and wind up a vegetable or with liver failure or whatever. It would be so nice if he woud just be there with me instead of trying to stop me. I imagine he's afraid of getting in trouble. So now that I called him like an idiot and I did what he said I have to wake up tomorrow and deal with another fucking day. Im so fucking STUPID. Since I tell himm everything I guess I have to stop seeing him so he doesnt get in trouble and so I actually go through with it. Its going to be so difficult. Im going to try to post here instread of emailing and calling him so much. You dont have to read it or reply or anything. I did it (the deed) with this guy that I loved that dumped me. He was just looking for sex but whatever, I loved him so now its a good time. It was like a goodbye thing. Anyway. The T is trying to guilt me becasue I have kids but Im useless to them anyway. Trust me-useless. Im distancing myself from them and my best friend died, and also my husband, and now the boyfriend dumped me. Really all thats left is the psychologist. Its going to be hard thoug because im so frigging dependent in general. Sorry so long. Just put up with me until I get this done. Thanks.