wondered how we came into such a state? im sure at one point in our lives we were happy...i remember when I was happy. I was very happy, now just empty. An empty used up shell! yeah i saw a doctor...told me that my depression was environmental. Which I tend to agree for the most part. Considering that my whole universe has fell apart all around me. Asked me if I wanted to take meds but couldnt give me a good answer as to how it would help me. Other than help me "see the bigger picture". I guess I cant see it right now. I saw someones post that listed the things they have going in their lives...not to down play their moods/feelings...but I have to say my list is shorter...if I even have a list. At least there are somethings you enjoy and looks like you have someone to share your life with. A long story short...ive pretty much lost everything. My job, my girl, my money, soon to be my home, amogst just some of the major things. And to think just 2 years ago I was on the verge of buying my boat and pursuing my dream. Now all I can do is dream...and my dreams arent good. There is no hope in my dreams anymore....no more visualizing what I am going to do. Im scared. Im scared what is going to happen to me...im scared as what the overall outcome would be. Ive lived a good life, i was good to others (not always, but I made up for it in other areas). My self preception is terrible right now. You know Ive been told I am a very hansome man, sweet and gentle, and a true catch...i dont see that anymore. I see a broke worn down man at the end of his rope asking ppl who he doesnt even know to help him...to listen to him...to be his friend, to stay his hand just for another day. Over the last week or, i have thought that I may not need to kill myself. Havent eaten in several days, because I cant...may do it for me. What is it 7days without water and 14 without food?? im close to that. and believe me its not something that I am doing on purpose. I am alone, confused and tired and i dont know if I want to continue. I dont knwo if I want to fight anymore. How many times can a dog be beat before he cowers??