I’ve had suicidal thoughts for a while and I had decided on a date of meaning that if I decided that was the end for me then I would do it. I have a care co-ordinator and I mentioned this to her that I wasn’t certain I would, but if I was then this date would be the one. I needed control, I needed to be able to say I chose to get help over ending my life and it was entirely my decision rather than one being forced upon me. Then yesterday happened. I got a call to say my co-ordinator was on her way with a psychiatrist and would be at mine shortly. He basically said that he has detained people on less than what I am saying and to give him a reason why he shouldn’t. We agreed on him taking away part of my method and promising to see my co-ordinator on the actual date I would do it. Now I am really angry, I felt I was put in a corner and the only 2 options were their options (either go to hospital or see co-ordinator). I suffer from ptsd from a brutal gang rape – that’s why I am seeing cmht to get therapy. The worst thing they could have done to me at any point was take control off me – that’s what happened on the day I was raped and I said no-one would ever do that to me again. I know they have to cover themselves and show that they have done something to stop me attempting but I am trying to have an honest relationship with my worker and now I feel like I can’t say what is on my mind. Has anyone had any experiences they can help me with? I am still really angry and if I am honest, feel that at the moment, on the date I would go ahead just to show them. And that is by no means what I want to do – if I do it, I want it to be a considered decision. Do I have a right to feel the way I do or am I over reacting? And how do I begin to trust co-ordinator again? Thanks!!