i want to know how it happens? i just came here because the other forum i post on doesn't allow post about suicide heres a brief history, i have had social anxiety for as long as i remember and only found out what it was at the start of this year. I have no confidence. My whole life feels like i have been trying to figure out life as i did not know what social anxiety was i did not know whether the feelings i was having were normal or not, i didn't know what was causing them and i was always lost inside my mind. I try to be happy but social anxiety and constantly trying to figure out life makes me depressed (because it feels like i try to be happy and have a good life but then always end back up in the same place). Anyway to the point of my post, for those of you who have attempted suicide i want to know how it happens, i have never really attempted it although i have felt it many times. Basically i want to know how serious this is, i dont feel as though i really want to die but im just get sick of trying (trying to live a normal life with social anxiety and all). Suicide is on my mind but i dont feel like i actually want to do it, it feels more like a im depressed look at me action, it is not planned it is more like i play/joke around with the idea, i highlighted that because that is the important bit of what im trying to say. I hope this isn't too much information but this is a suicide forum after all, if i am feeling depressed i will do something like take a knife from the kitchen draw and press it onto my skin and just think about the idea, i dont actually want to cut myself and i stop as soon as it started to hurt sometimes i press harder but i have never actually cut the skin <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> So basically im asking how does suicide happen because i want to know how serious this is, typed it probably sounds pretty bad, maybe it is , maybe i should take this as a wake up call. I don't plan to do anything like 'one month from now i am going to do it' because i don't believe i actually want to die, i just depressed and get sick of trying. Have you ever thought you were just playing around but then it has happened or you just got a sudden urge to do it?