Have you ever felt like this? may trigger

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Emptysoul, Dec 10, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Emptysoul

    Emptysoul Well-Known Member

    on sunday night i was attacked (incase ur wondering im a guy) to cut a long story short...
    i was grabbed from behing by 2 guys with an arm tightly round my throat who sneaked up behind me. i tried to get our of the arm lock and as a result i got punched in the nuts, stomach, back, ribs reallly hard and a lot of times, they favourd my nuts tho. they hancufed my hands behing my back, gagged me and put a mask over my mouth and nose covered in poppers. they then proceded to pull my trackiee bottoms and underware and proceded to crush and punch my balls many times more along with other punches elcewhere.
    at some stage with me struggling to breath and massivly panicing they drag/push me down a muddy path and make me lie on the ground.
    they then forcee themself inside me and fuck me, i pass out several times and they carry on fucking me up my arse punch me more then cum inside me then remove the hancuffs and walk off.

    If you want to see the full details look at my thread in the Depression forum on the 10th dec called 'please help me (may trigger)' It does have some important background info but im not writing it out again, it took long enough last time

    Now I know I was technically raped. but even tho it was horrible at the time and i wanted it to stop, when i think about it now It really turns me on and gets me all excited and horny and i want it to happen again. i dont know while im feeling like this. i was very depressed before this happned and i still am but this dosent seem to have had the slightest impact on me except for several very painfull bruises, im not into pain by the way

    I just dont understand why i feel like this. What i would like to know is, have any of you ever felt like this before? or have any idea why im feeling this way? Or am i just some perverted, twisted fucked up individual??
  2. Disappear

    Disappear Well-Known Member

    You know what you are experiencing is quite common. It's a similar thing when people who have been abused, like to be treated that way in their sexual accounters as they get older. Or renact the same kind of things but have total control over things-because they had no control of the initial experience. It's just another mystery of the mind, don't worry too much about it.
  3. Emptysoul

    Emptysoul Well-Known Member

    thanks i thought there might be something wrong with me. thing is i would at least expect to be upset by what happned but im not one bit it hasnt bothered me at all, mabie its just a delayed reaction, who knows
  4. Disappear

    Disappear Well-Known Member

    I thought it was 2 years ago?
  5. Emptysoul

    Emptysoul Well-Known Member

    oh sorry, what i wrote at the top happned on sunday the 6th december, basically just under a week ago but i was raped 2 1/2 years ago (the second time it has happned)
  6. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    Its very common to feel that way after rape...many women feel aroused during rape and they feel guilty because of it...its not your fault its your body reacting to stimulation...now you feel aroused afterwards that is also common...we all process abuse differently...

    I was never sexually abused but I know that in some of my fantasies I get turned on by being abused or taken advantages of...I don't know if I really want that to happen to me in real life but thinking of it makes me horny...I've been abused physically and emotionally though...so maybe I'm damaged because of it...

    anyways...I hope you are okay...
  7. loser

    loser Well-Known Member

    The incident you relate is extremely serious and should be reported to police.
    Your attackers are evil and dangerous.
    You are in deep shock. You are numb.
    What you feel is to be expected after such a horrific attack.
    You need to see a trained professional to get help and you will need to have support.
    See your GP and do not be afraid to say it as it is.
    Contact a Rape Crisis Team.
    You need people who understand who can help you work through this.
    Just do it so it does not fester
    Rape crisis team should help with going to police.
    Please make the effort to get help.
    You may not realise now but you really do need it.
  8. Emptysoul

    Emptysoul Well-Known Member

    I would go to the police if they wernt completly incompotant. you could put all the evedence they would need to arest and put them in jail and they still wouldnt be able to do anything they would just shelf the case. even if u ring them in a emergancy they take hours to turn um. if theress 1 serious incedent all the police go to it. the next countys police force is constally covering for ours.
    #where i live we had one of the best forces in the country 5 years ago, now weve almost got the worced

    a bit of a ramble wasnt that
  9. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    It's terrible, these F! ers should be in jail. I'm so sorry :hugtackles:
  10. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i read your post after this but try listen to what this member's saying.
  11. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    You need help!

    Deciding whether you should or shouldn't feel something is not respecting you feelings... Don't judge your feelings - see what you can learn from them and choose how to process them.

    It is normal to have many feelings - sometimes the opposite feelings show up to indicate that you are using it as a way to run away from the horror of the helplessness you experienced.

    You were traumatized.
    You have been traumatized more than once.
    A professional can help you make sense of your feelings, and reactions.
    If you don't deal with it now - you will later when it comes back in flashbacks and in other unpleasant ways of reliving....
    PLEASE get help!

    Those perpetrators were horrible - may they recieve just punishment!!!
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.