Have you ever tried to fix your loneliness issues?

[Aurora Gory Alice]

I know a lot of people on here are lonely, friendless, without family or partners.
And I know for a lot of people that is a HUGE issue and contributes to (if it is not the main reason for) their depression.

But one thing I haven't asked, that I am curious about, is how many people have tried to fix this by seeking out friends/partners/companionship? And if you haven't, why not?

 

[Tavil]

I have. It never works. People never have any interest in socializing with me.
Ive just accepted that im supposed to be alone.

 

[Right U R Ken]

I've tried very hard at times only to fail. I've in fact tried everything you can think of, some of them many times. In the end here I am after many years still alone. It is indeed my issue. My only serious issue really but it's killing me.

 

[Aurora Gory Alice]

Just curious to know what you guys have tried? Obviously you don't have to answer if you don't want to. I myself have tried also, still alone... I feel like I can't connect with people a lot of the time.

 

[Tavil]

Everything normal people do to socialize with people ive tried.
I always get shunted out.

 

[Right U R Ken]

Just curious to know what you guys have tried?

I did the bar scene up until I quit drinking. I also had the ability to just go up to women in every day situations when I felt up to it.(no alcohol needed) I tried meeting women in online chat lines when I first got on the internet and I also tried online personals. None of these worked out in the end so here I am all alone.

 

[foxwithwings13]

I try.. It's extreamly hard for me. Along with depression I have anxiety disorders, It's extreamly difficult just to say "hi" to someone, and I can't go alot of places.... I'm honestly not that fun to be around. Every person I meet has just givin up on me and abandoned me.

 

[aoeu]

Yeah. I made it significantly worse as a result.

 

[necrodude]

yeah. but meh. if i didnt bother i wouldnt have them now

 

[IDKwhatIwant]

i tried internet dating. making friends at the community college. making friends at work. making friends on sites like these. eventually it always ends with its my fault. because im not assertive enough, or i dont keep in touch, etc. i dont know how to fix that...

 

[triggs]

i have friends - quite a lot of them. and although i believe a lot of them don't like me, they are still there. so really, if my lonliness issue was going to go away by being around people - it would have already gone by now.

 

[Aurora Gory Alice]

i have friends - quite a lot of them. and although i believe a lot of them don't like me, they are still there. so really, if my lonliness issue was going to go away by being around people - it would have already gone by now.

You can be surrounded by hundreds of people and still feel lonely. Especially if they aren't true friends.

 

[klodo]

I have mostly found that you have to be normal to be accepted by normal people. The pain of feeling weird and desperately trying to join others and fit in was so much I stopped trying.People would laugh at me behind my back and ridicule me. People sometimes pitied me but mostly disliked me for being shy,quiet and boring. Even on support forums it did not really change. If you really are desperate and sad then why do so many people dislike you for feeling this way unless it really is part of human behaviour to exclude those who fail, to only seek out the successful for the good of the species etc.

 

[xan]

I try to act normal.. go out... socialise... but I always seem to end up not having any long term friends and relationships always go bad.

 

[ashes_away]

I have mostly found that you have to be normal to be accepted by normal people. The pain of feeling weird and desperately trying to join others and fit in was so much I stopped trying.People would laugh at me behind my back and ridicule me. People sometimes pitied me but mostly disliked me for being shy,quiet and boring. Even on support forums it did not really change. If you really are desperate and sad then why do so many people dislike you for feeling this way unless it really is part of human behaviour to exclude those who fail, to only seek out the successful for the good of the species etc.

according to this perspective,humanity will evolve to be such complete aholes that I would hope nature eliminated us ALL from the earth!Being shy quiet and boring is no reason to feel you should be rejected as a living breathing human being.Having these traits will only lead you to others like yourself naturally-( or should) and I am pretty sure there are many successful accomplished people who were not perfect ,shallow clique-loving shmucks.Take heart.

 

[aoeu]

ashes, I've experienced exactly that... I had some friends here and we got along and all liked eachother, but then one day they invited me out to a bar... and I was shy, quiet and boring and after that they took to avoiding me.

 

[Bambi]

I have not tried in a long time as I am simply too afraid and am so fragile in this area of life right now.

I lost a very good friend that could not deal with something they found out about me so am scared to reach out and let anyone in right now-I hope that changes but I fear it won't as I just don't seem to be able to heal this part of me.

I used to be so much more confident but not anymore. This last bout with depression really changed the way I look as far as my looking older and my facial expression looking "hard" so I think I turn people off right from the start or give off the "vibe" of don't talk to me I am scared so can't blame them for not making the offer of friendship.

I have always been a bit of a loner and I am okay with that but wish I could over come my shyness and fear of rejection. For those of you I talk with outside the forums you have no idea how hard it is for me to speak with you but I want to be supportive so I do.

I really like this thread and will continue to watch it for ideas on how I could add a few people to my life as I sure could use it and would certainly appreciate them.

Ironically, I came on to the forum feeling so alone and there was this thread-hmm? Well all this has brought me to tears and there is nothing more to say but I look forward to future posts and maybe some advice that I could incorporate into my life.


Thanks Linds :nice:

 

[Aurora Gory Alice]

Thanks B :hug:

I will say this... I really appreciate shy, quiet people more than I do loud boisterous ones. I find quiet people endearing for the most part and I much prefer to be around people who don't just speak for the sake of speaking, but only really pipe up when they have something good and interesting to say.
I love the saying, rather shut your mouth and be thought of a fool then open it and be proven to be one, because I find that true of a lot of people, and in my experience people who talk too much are often the ones that say the lousiest things.

So anybody that is shy and quiet, don't apologise for being who you are at all, one day someone who appreciates you for the way you are will come along, believe me.

 

[Bambi]

Well I am screwed!!!

I am so shy but when actually spoken too I get very talkative...it is a nervous reaction for certain but I think what happens is that shy people approach me and then get scared off because I ACT like I am not one of them and extroverts are disappointed in me as I clam up around them!

I am hoping the old adage "opposites attract" proves true but for now I keep opening my mouth and proving myself a fool.

Love ya Linds!

 

[Aurora Gory Alice]

Well I am screwed!!!

I am so shy but when actually spoken too I get very talkative...it is a nervous reaction for certain but I think what happens is that shy people approach me and then get scared off because I ACT like I am not one of them and extroverts are disappointed in me as I clam up around them!

I am hoping the old adage "opposites attract" proves true but for now I keep opening my mouth and proving myself a fool.

Love ya Linds!

hahahaha don't worry B, you've pretty much just summed me up right there as well which is why I was so quick to say how much I liked shy people! It's the nerves, they get me every time also, and I end up talking the ear off a donkey when I'm around strangers. I never say anything intellectual though and they end up looking at me like I'm crazy!! lol. You're not alone.
x