Have you ever frozen up when you're trying to tell your doctor about your suicidal feelings? That is exactly what I did today. It was my first time ever talking to a doctor about my mental health, so I made myself get up early, about an hour and a half earlier than my appointment so that I couldn't chicken out of it. I sign in and wait, watch the boring t.v. until my name is called, sit for 30 minutes in agony, and then she walks in. My family doctor is so cool. She like "Whats up, how are things, is this just a check up?" [No this is not a check up, I'm about to tell you how I've been thinking about killing myself for the past two weeks. How I've had nightmares about this appointment, and how I've only told 2 other people about this....issue.] "Yeah, kinda.." [This is your chance, tell her, you're here, you're paying for this.. Tell her.] "Except, I've been feeling kind of down here lately, not myself, ya know.] She says, "Oh, are you feeling ill?" [Bless her heart.] "No, just not myself, since I've come home and haven't been doing much other than work I've noticed my mood is swinging hard, I have had some real good highs, and some real bad lows, I can't sleep... ra ra ra" [Anddd you were seriously thinking about killing yourself the other night... You were holding a handful your dad's prescription pills.] In the end she's like, "Well it sounds to me like bipolar." [Which I'd guessed, my mother has only been calling me bipolar for as long as I can remember, but it is only after I have a complete mental breakdown that she decides maybe I should talk to someone.] So I do, and I blow it. I'm now on a waiting list to talk to a therapist that is 3 hours away from where I live.. Great.