Have you ever?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by xoCherie, Apr 10, 2012.

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  1. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    Have you ever had one of those moments where you just want to shut yourself away from the world in a black room, and forget everything, and have everyone forget about you? Have you ever had someone tug you along with their side glances and little smiles, only to leave you hanging out on the edge? Have you ever just sat in the shower, with the water beating down, and stared at the blade and wondered "what if?"
    What if you were never in this situation? What if you hadn't spoken to them that first time? What if you hadn't agreed to lunch, dinner, to trading numbers? What if you had never made that friend? Or better yet, what if you were never born? What if you just never existed?

    I'm so close to just breaking down and crying after everything that's happened. Nothing can fix this. Nothing but time, but I don't want to keep waiting for these wounds to heal. Sometimes I wish I was just dead, or that I'd never met that person. Then maybe everything would be different. I don't even know where I should be posting this. There's so much that's lead up to this, so, so much that I've shoved to the back of my mind and forced myself to forget,
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry you are feeling this way...please share with us what is going on...I am sure you will find there are so many here who can relate and will be caring and understanding...and yes, I too, have felt this way more than I wish to remember
  3. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    I've pretty much just figured out that this guy never gave one shit about me. He caused my nervous breakdown by asking one of my friends out on my ball night, after lying and saying he thought she was the biggest slut around. She knew we were considering dating too, knew that he'd been fucking me around for months, did not give a shit. His actions caused me to be suicidal and I actually attempted, and he NEVER cared. He laughed and said if I really wanted to die I wouldn't have let the car miss. And now? I just told him EVERYTHING behind why I'm always so angry at him;

    You asked if I thought we'd work out over text. That's leading me on. You got me to cheat on C_____. That's leading me on. I'm not angry at YOU. I'm angry at me. Because over and over again I listened to your shit, your "body language", your texts and messages and eye contact and body signals. All throughout it I had EVERYONE telling me you're a douche and that you've actually cheated on YOUR OWN GIRLFRIENDS with other chicks. I had your own clients and friends warning me off of you, telling me it would lead to nothing. You asked out my fucking friend on the night of my ball, gave me a nervous breakdown, didn't give a shit that I was suicidal and then expected me to take it.

    32 minutes ago C____ (me)
    I was never angry at you
    I was angry at myself for ever talking to you in the first place
    Now fuck off"

    And all he replied with was:
    "25 minutes ago N_______
    Good, I'm glad we got that all straightened out. Clearly its all my fault and I'm a horrible person. So now that you've decided that, do yourself a favour and actually leave me alone this time if thats what you want to do. If I'm that bad stop thinking about me. And that means no evil messages whenever you think up something you hope to upset me with, just leave it be, accept that its in your past and so am I, and get on with your life. Goodbye."

    He didn't even fucking acknowledge any of it
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 10, 2012
  4. SilentScream

    SilentScream Well-Known Member

    Hello there Cherie.

    I have read your messages and I must say, that it is pretty harsh..

    But, you must keep in mind that people like this will always exist..
    People who are not open enough to look behind those tears.
    Not open enough to discover the mask.
    Not open enough to know what an actually depression is.
    Not open enough to understand.

    Probably because they won't get it, or they just do not want to get it.

    If I read your first message, I cans ee that youa re pretty conflicted at this moment...
    And I feel sorry for that.
    I think that you are a strong eprson for posting this all, in the first place!

    Also; I am sure that you deserve better, you do not deserve a prick who cheats on you and does not understadn your feelings.
    And I am sure that you will meet that certain person in the future and that will be happy together.

    But, for now..
    Try to avoid him and just try not to think about him..
    It is not worth it.
    Your life will get so much better, that is a thing I am sure off,
    Do not get down because of ignorant people like him..

    Please, know better, and keep on living!

    Take care,
    And I wish and hope the best for you!!

    We are here for you! :)
  5. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    Haikeru, thank you so much for the inspiring message.
    I've blocked him on facebook, and I don't plan on unblocking him. I tried fixing things between us so many times these last four months and it's just ended up in a fight that he blames on me starting. I'm over it. I'm just so over his drama and never understanding why I'm how I am, because of him.
  6. SilentScream

    SilentScream Well-Known Member

    You are very welcome, Cherie.
    And it is good that you have blocked him et cetra.
    Seeing his updates et cetra what he did with other's can be pretty dismotivating, hateful, painful, furstrating.
    So blocking/deleting him is a pretty good option :)

    Take care!
  7. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    All of the above more like :s
    Yeah. And I'm sticking by it this time.

    You too!
  8. CanoeGirl

    CanoeGirl Member

    He really sounds like a hurtful person, who also takes no personal responsibility for what he did, and the pain that he caused you. He just thinks you should move on, so that he doesn't have to hear about the effects of his actions toward you? What a jerk. Don't die just cus of him, though. It does get better, and then you find someone who really cares about you, and then you feel close and cared for, and it's worth waiting for that moment.
  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I feel like that most of the time...and I'm so sorry you are going through that :hug: That guy sounds like a complete dick, and you have no need to waste any more time on him. He is not worth your painful thoughts and feelings! I'm glad that you are blocking him, because he should be blocked from your life. You only deserve to have positive people in your life who truly care about the real you. Take care and hope you start to feel better soon.
  10. xoCherie

    xoCherie Well-Known Member

    I'm replying now because I want to get back in contact with him. I didn't want to start a whole new thread, and I wanted to re read everyone's responses and my own.
    I don't know what to do honestly. He made me feel like everything is my fault, and the message I sent last week was to see what his response would be. I basically said that everything had been in my head, I'd let my friends get to me, the shit I knew he wanted to hear. Got a reply within a day. I waited a few days to reply back, and basically said "I'm so glad we had that fight, it helped me grow up and realize how precious my new friends are to me. I wouldn't have had this realization if we hadn't ever had sex, and now that there's no sex involved (different countries now haha) I think we can have a proper friendship." Surprise surprise, no reply and I sent that on Wednesday. Any thoughts? Should I drop it entirely and just forget about him, even though it's still painful for me? Or should I wait for his reply, if there's one, and decide the next step then?
  11. cherie

    cherie Member

    I'm actually going through the same thing as you. Only mine is a bigger douche bag. Yes, it hurts when they use you and then act like it's not a big deal. But I, for one, came to the realization that you cannot make a somebody love you. Life is not like in the movies, things are easier than that. He obviously doesn't give a s*it and there's absolutely nothing you could do to change that. It's his problem, not yours. The only thing you can do right now is forget about him. Move on and concentrate on you, how can you be a better person, how can you improve yourself so the next time you're gonna meet somebody and it doesn't work out you are not going to get affected like this. You are a worthwhile person and you do not need somebody else to prove for you. You stand on your own two feet. Do not wait for his reply, you are not gonna get one, so why be in pain all this time waiting around for something that it's just not gonna happen? Just forget him. I know it's easier to be said than done, but every time you think about him or the little things he did to make you feel special just pinch yourself and find anything else to think about. Guys like him do and say things that one minute mean something, the next.. it doesn't.
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