I've been suicidal on and off for years. I've just entered this state of mind again after the best happy time of my life which lasted around 18 months. Just goes to show... every time I think I've got this thing beat, it rears it's ugly head again and then I feel like an idiot for getting sucked in.
One of the things that has held me back from ending my life over time is my firm and unwavering spiritual belief that if I do this thing, I'm going to have to come back and go through it all again until I finally break through it. Fuck that! I don't want to come back. In my teens this lead to a keen interest in the occult as I searched for a way to destroy my soul but didn't really find much and the occult wasn't fun. I've never been a great researcher and now my interest in black magic, satanic stuff etc etc is nil.
What I'd like to know, is if anyone who has survived an attempt here has seen the mysterious 'white light' or 'tunnel' or had conversations with loved ones on the other side before coming back. Any afterlife stuff at all? If you're shy about talking publicly of your experience if you have had one, please feel free to pm me about this. I don't check the forum every day but I'll get there.
Last week was the week when my rules disintegrated. I used to have a long list of rules such as "has to look like an accident", "not in the same month as a family members birthday", etc etc. But those rules are gone now. The only rule I have left is "not where I live". So I was getting my shit together last week when I remembered that my husband had an event that he's been training for and planning for around 8 months. I love my husband more than anyone on the planet. He's the strongest and best person I know and I couldn't just die right before the event and leave him like that. So I put it off until the following Monday but he was recovering, then I had my appointment with my counsellor on Wednesday so I didn't get around to it. Right now I'm a little relieved to be honest. The last 18 months have been great. It was wonderful to feel like a normal and functioning member of society. I'm hoping to get back there.
That last paragraph was a rant. I considered deleting it but won't. Everything happens for a reason and there'll be a reason I wrote it. But I'd really love to know if anyone has had after death experiences. I'm not interested in any religious/biblical responses no matter how well intended. If you have those thoughts please don't post them here.
Thanks xx
One of the things that has held me back from ending my life over time is my firm and unwavering spiritual belief that if I do this thing, I'm going to have to come back and go through it all again until I finally break through it. Fuck that! I don't want to come back. In my teens this lead to a keen interest in the occult as I searched for a way to destroy my soul but didn't really find much and the occult wasn't fun. I've never been a great researcher and now my interest in black magic, satanic stuff etc etc is nil.
What I'd like to know, is if anyone who has survived an attempt here has seen the mysterious 'white light' or 'tunnel' or had conversations with loved ones on the other side before coming back. Any afterlife stuff at all? If you're shy about talking publicly of your experience if you have had one, please feel free to pm me about this. I don't check the forum every day but I'll get there.
Last week was the week when my rules disintegrated. I used to have a long list of rules such as "has to look like an accident", "not in the same month as a family members birthday", etc etc. But those rules are gone now. The only rule I have left is "not where I live". So I was getting my shit together last week when I remembered that my husband had an event that he's been training for and planning for around 8 months. I love my husband more than anyone on the planet. He's the strongest and best person I know and I couldn't just die right before the event and leave him like that. So I put it off until the following Monday but he was recovering, then I had my appointment with my counsellor on Wednesday so I didn't get around to it. Right now I'm a little relieved to be honest. The last 18 months have been great. It was wonderful to feel like a normal and functioning member of society. I'm hoping to get back there.
That last paragraph was a rant. I considered deleting it but won't. Everything happens for a reason and there'll be a reason I wrote it. But I'd really love to know if anyone has had after death experiences. I'm not interested in any religious/biblical responses no matter how well intended. If you have those thoughts please don't post them here.
Thanks xx