Hey most of you probably dont know me, but im a member here since a very long time. This place literally saved my life more than once. Im here today trying to cope with the urge. Ive been "clean" for over two years but lately im feeling so down you know? like today i was helping one of my students with her webcam and saw myself and i was a monster, it was awful, i had almost forgotte why i didnt look at mirrors anymore even people say im pretty when they dont need to, but gosh, i feel im a monster. i also feel kinda unsuccessful at college because i cant get myself to study, i just need to procrastinate it over and over, and even though i passed most of my exams, i failed at one subject and i feel like im stucked there forever, even though i know im not. The urge is back, i didnt think i would feel it again after all this time but its there, my arms are burning, im crawling out of my skin and i wanna cry but at the same time i wanna stop feeling pity for myself. i feel in a whirlwind of sadness that cant go away. this is so silly, i cant even understand why im feeling like this because none of my problems are real problems, i feel stupid for posting this but i need to get this out, i need to control the urge.