As the title says i haven't been on here since 2008! (My how its changed) Having a bad night tonight There is no problem//depression i can pin point this onto but My cravings for self harming are niggling in my head. I had a relapse a few weeks ago. But i haven't done it properly since i was 16, I slowed at the point of 17 and stopped, i am now 21. I haven't been happy go lucky and i have had the thoughts of relapsing but managed most of the time to push those thoughts aside but tonight i cannot. Will i ever get out of this? I really want to cut, But there is no where on my body that my fiance wont see That is the only thing that is stopping me. I can put my hands in boiling water but i usually need to see that physical mark on my body, see that wound and blood and tend to it. That seems to be the only thing to make this go away. I need a release. Oh god i really need a release from this. Its been fricking years since i felt the urges this bad. I want to get past this. I don't want to have this NEED to self harm anymore. I am a adult i should be past this! I remember this site used to help me alot, so i kind of have fled here for some security.