yeah. so i always come back when im right about to do it. i dunno why i do. maybe its some part of me that still wants to hold on. maybe that's why i haven't done it yet. i know they'll miss me. but its more than one man can take anymore. i can't do this. everyone expects me to deal with everything in a calm way but im sick of the shit. maybe this will be my last post. i dont know. ill prolly pussy out anyway.