Howdy all, Suffer from severe depression w/psych. features. Asked for help with suicidal feeling from counselor here in college - recommended another course of medications/treatment. Don't know if I want to fight this battle again (been in and out of hospitals and seen therapists/psychiatrists since I was about 6). Haven't tried in over 5 years - but I know if I try again it will be the end. My depression from prior events in my life is somewhat resolved (I've come to terms with a lot of my past) - but present situations and what I see for my future is what really bothers me. I know I cannot cope with the stress of daily life without wanting to end it all - actually doing it is where I am at now (plan wise anyway). It seems as though if I go through with this treatment it will leave me brain dead and wanting to end it more than ever, but if I don't go through with it I will be financially bankrupt and mentally destroyed (illegal drugs/alcohol - I know myself too well here) and I will end it all. Either option means my demise - treatment or not - it makes me wonder why I am pursuing treatment anyway - treatment will only be delaying the inevitable. Any thoughts?