haven't written in a long time. . .

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Lady Byron, Jun 10, 2008.

  1. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    so i've haven't written in a long long time. don't like to because no one here ever gives ME any good advice. plus, i've haven't cut in like a year :rolleyes:. okay, got that off my chest. i feel so suffocated though. my head hurts like hell and i want to kill everyone around me, especially my friends for not even bothering to ask, "hey, how's life treating you?" so much for that bullshit that "we'll always be there when you need to talk." all effin lies. urgh, now i'm flustered again. so, my problems are that i always feel like i want to hit someone, something, anything. and i'm not usually a violent person. i just want to scream at everyone that i have problems too, that all this stupid shit life throws at me day in and day out is tearing me apart and i just want to SCREAM!!!!! my family sucks, my friends suck, and this stupid ass computer sucks!!!! no one cares that i feel like shit. well, at least i graduate from high school next year. oh but wait, according to my mom i'll miss it so much, i'll get to work with assholes that are like my math teacher, and all of the careers i want to possibly go into are going to suck. thanks mom. i love all the support you're givin me. love you too you fucking bitch. i need to stop writing because now i want to hit something and i'm getting super upset. URGH....... oh, and just for the hell of it, I hate you too Shantelle. thanks for leaving me out and going to Starbucks without me. you and ty can go to hell! Mindy too!!!!! aah. that felt kind of nice to finally let out. i feel a little better now. :dry:
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Glad to hear you haven't cut for that long. Congratulations. Do your friends notice when you are having a hard time or do you mask it so well they don't realize it. We can't always expect people to notice if we don't give them something to notice. Don't know what to think about your mom and her lack of support for you. She should be encouraging you to follow your dreams instead of pointing out the negatives about everything. It is good to see you back and I hope you continue posting. Take care. You are a survivor. :hug:
     
  3. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    i'm not good at lying. at all. somedays my friends ask me if i'm okay, but then when i start getting a little emotional they're like "alright, enough. listen to how my wonderful day went and maybe you'll cheer up a little." or "i don't really care just listen to me talk because i'm so full of myself and my ego is about as big as a whale." urgh. life just seems to suck. at least i'm out of school for the summer. i'm feeling a little better. i just feel so weird all the time. it's like i can't breathe and my heart feels like it's always racing and i can feel it pounding in my head and i want to hit someone (or something) and i can't make myself do it. . . even though my hands shake so badly and i want to. . . but i just can't. does that make me a coward and an effin loser too?
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    No I don't think so. It just sounds to me like you are incredibly frustrated about things and have no outlet for them. It's a good thing that you can't hit anything, but you do need a way to let the anger go. It can build up inside until you no longer control it. I would hate to see you fall back to cutting or other form of SI in order to release it.