havin a rough night

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Limbobway, Jul 18, 2012.

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  1. Limbobway

    Limbobway Member

    so i'm having a rough night, i was listening to loveline.com and they were talking about past relationships and someone who was in a relationship with a guy who said he loved her after dating a month and a half and she couldnt say it back and felt bad about it and he seemed mad that she couldnt say it back. well they said he was a controlling person and that got me thinking about my last relationship (4 years ago) and i was that guy.

    well i have a tendency to be really hard on myself and that leads to thoughts of suicide. i'm going through therapy and they told me to talk to people on this site or call the crisis line so here i am. just trying to stop from going over the "red line"

    i dont think i was controlling but just really self judgemental and needed to be reassured or something like that....i dont know, my therapyst told me that i am very self judgemental and judgemental of others because of it. i just dont want to dwell on this thought to the point i do something stupid like i have in the past.
  2. tness

    tness Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way Limbobway. I take all the blame of the breakup, I feel so guilty about the whole thing, I should have showed more emotions, I should have gave her more of my self.
    I did not I feel. I was not controlling her.. She could do what she wanted. But I was perhaps depressed before the relationship, or I have been depressed all the way. Not noticing. I'm not sure. I'm trying to dig into every deep hole in my personality to just dig out some errors about me.
    I'm also judging my self like you do, thinking about ending it all now. That is a solution. But not a good one.
  3. Limbobway

    Limbobway Member

    ya i had problems with depression and started getting treated for it after we broke up. i was in the navy and had a couple of suicide attempts while i was in (this was before i was dating this girl). i just never started going to the VA for treatment until after this breakup.

    i'm over it but its something i reflect on alot and i just feel like a bad person that doesnt deserve anyone. i am constantly thinking about what people think of me so it makes going out to any public place really really hard for me and i have had alot of suicide attempts and alot of suicidal thoughts that i struggle with daily it seems.

    i just wish i could use the stuff in my therapy to just feel normal.
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