So I woke up at 6 am, my alarm was set to 7.50... but I think the sunrise might have woken me... I went to the bathroom without turning the light on; I hoped I could crawl back to bed... I had only had 5 hours of sleep (well 'only' is relative when some nights I only get 2 or less)... but as I washed my hands I saw a weird shadow... I guess my eyes weren't awake yet... I panicked and ran to turn on the light... I had to hide in the bathroom where it was now light... gasping for air, my heart racing... an hour later I went back to bed... I sat on the edge first... but fear gripped me again... I sometimes get afraid of the 'monster' under the bed grabbing my legs... yes. I am 26 and I have those irrational fears sometimes still... I turned on my computer and the sun came up... it became a very bright and sunny day... and suddenly I just felt completely okay... I got my coffee and Greek yogurt... writing and joking with my boyfriend who came online at 8... and suddenly I realized I was having a really, really good day. I didn't feel the dark cloud over my head that has followed me for so long... and especially since the last time I saw my therapist... I have been so tired... so depressed... I have barely been able to keep my eyes open... and the last two days I have cried every ten minutes... I even cried as I fell asleep last night. I got my laundry done... I even went outside while waiting for it to finish... soaking up the sunshine and I laughed at how pale my skin is after this winter and my anxiety keeping me inside. Everything just felt normal and okay... and I feel like I can get things done... I can concentrate. But... why? And why now? I thought today would be a bad day... my therapist told me something a bit harsh and it's rocked my world... and yesterday my boyfriend who has PTSD after an accident and a hospital stay that left him braindamaged 15 years ago told me they did some new scans of his brains and they aren't satisfied and he needs to go in for a more 'expert' scan next week. I am not supposed to be okay today. What the heck??