Having a job doesn't help.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Hotaru, Mar 23, 2016.

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  1. Hotaru

    Hotaru Member

    I think about my tinnitus all day at work. All I can think about is ending it. I don't want to learn anything new, I don't talk to anybody. I thought that if I had a distraction, if I contributed to society, that I'd be better. But I'm not. In fact, I'm worse. Luckily it was a temp job and it's ending soon, but my boss actually wanted me to stay. I told her no, that I was too unhealthy to work (I also have interstitial cystitis as well as depression and anxiety. The worst part about this is that my mother works at the same company and wants me to work there with her but when I try to explain, she doesn't want to hear it. She thinks this is her fault, but it's not. Although, my parents did suggest I stop taking ADs (after 9 years of doing so), and I followed suit, stopping them three months ago only to now contract two horrible diseases, tinnitus and interstitial cystitis. Too bad they are not life-threatening.

    I've never been a go-getter. I did try for four years to get a voiceover career going, because acting is all I'm good at and all I've ever wanted to do. I wanted to do voices in cartoons, videogames, and anime. But I spent all this money on equipment, a teacher, and online services and it wasn't worth it. I never wanted to do anything, really, just sit and watch anime or play videogames. I can't do those things in peace anymore. The T just follows me everywhere I go.

    I told my mom I am unable to work yet she still nudges suggestions my way, like working at her place or another collection agency, or somewhere. But I don't want to. I don't want to do anything anymore.
     
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Don't give up hun. I know it seems like the easy way out... but things can get better.

    How long have you had your tinnitus? I managed to get used to my tinnitus, of course there's still bad days if I have aggravated it by listening to loud music or been someone noisy. I know it's a horrible thing to deal with but it can get easier. And you talked about a drug earlier? That's great!!
    Don't give up all hope. You can still do the voice over thing can't you? Could you start small, like working for local advertising companies voicing commercials and radio spots etc?
     
  3. Hotaru

    Hotaru Member

    Three months. It keeps changing and sounding different, so it's impossible to habituate. I was trying to start out small, trying out for local things and ads, but no one has hired me. I got some audiobooks, but those are too much work for very little royalty pay.
     
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