Okay, this is the first time i try help online. Actually one of my first times trying to get help. I've talked to some of my best friends about my thoughts, and they say they think the same, but they just can't see it from my perspective. Okay, so il start with saying a bit about myself. I'm 17 years soon and i live in Norway. I got actually a good life, but in a way, i wont have such a good life in the future. I just know it. Ever since i started in 8th grade i've wanted to end my life. I have these thoughts about how good it would be for me to not beeing mocked for being a little dark skinned. My dad is from Iraq and left me when i was about three years old. He was raping my mother and took her cash once a month all the time. He was hitting me and my brother. My mother is deaf, and that is resulting in that i have to live with my grandfather on my mother's side. I've not seen my father since he left me, and i hate him for what he did. My grandfather is not the type that i want to talk to about problems. He thinks im someone else than i really am. I mean like, he thinks i am a happy person, not a sad suicidal person. The same way as my friends. I got two bestfriends that i talk to about everything. They are the most perfect persons i've ever met. But my other bestfriends, theyre only those bestfriends i hang with, not the bestfriends i actually tell things to. They mock me all the time because of my father is from iraq, me being a little darker than them and stuff. I hate it, even though i know theyre just joking. I've tried to tell them to stop, but it only makes it worse. Sometimes i don't know why im friends with them. But sometimes they could be pretty good friends. But i hate it. And im not doing pretty well at school, i just cant consentrate, no matter what. Something that makes me get bad grades and eventually not get a good job, a job that i can make money on and feed my family and shit. I can't even get a girlfriend, something that not helps on my selfrespect. I don't think im pretty, handsome or good at anything. I think im just a loser. So, i've been thinking about some ways to kill my self. Fast, effective and painless. Shoot myself - where should i get a gun? <- NO Hang myself - don't like the idea <- NO Take drugs and shit <- NO But, i've come to an good idea. Since i have the license on moped, i could drive right in front of a truck, or crash into something in high speed or anything like that. I srsly need help! Both why i should do it and why i shouldn't.