Having decided.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ameneon, Sep 5, 2009.

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  1. Ameneon

    Ameneon Member

    The time is now 02:57. I'm all alone in the livingroom in my house. As of 02:19 today, the 5th of September, 2009, after a series of events, spanning the last 15 years, I have decided to go through with my plan of self termination.

    <Mod Edit: Methods>
    Between the glass and the blinds, I will put a note, saying:


    The interior of this car contains the body of a previously healthy male, aged 25, who took his life freely, and unassisted, and is glad to be gone from the world. Please call the appropriate personnel to have the body removed and disposed of per the desires in the suicide note to be found within. Thank you, and sorry for the inconvenience.


    (my name)
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 5, 2009

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    ok, sounds good, WHY ?
  3. Ameneon

    Ameneon Member

    Does one need a reason? Sure, I am bleeding all over the place, sure I am suffering from pressure, sure I have always been depressed, sure all of this is true. But it is not the reason?

    I've just decided to say "thanks, but no thanks" to life...
  4. gavbrash

    gavbrash Member

    Right... OK. I'd prefer it if you didn't do what you mentioned.

    Obviously you're after help because you've posted here. If you didn't care or value your life in any way, shape or form then you wouldn't have posted here before hand. You'd have just done it. And as of me typing this post, you're online.

    Again, obviously there is some sort of problem in your life which is making you feel so depressed you're thinking of ending it all, as slowly as you've previously described. Any insight on to what this problem is so someone here who might've been through the same thing can assist you with words of advice and kindness?

    Listen to the people who post here. They're kind, loving, caring people who will stop at nothing to make sure you try to get your life back on track. Now, I've not tried helping anybody here yet so obviously this is my first shot.

    Ever thought about the implications your "suicide" will have on your extended family or co-workers (if you have a job)? You might think they won't care, or you won't care because you'll be dead... but you'll leave them devastated and confused as to what was plaguing and troubling you this badly.

    Suicide raises too many questions... just give the people around you answers to those questions (WITHOUT killing yourself) and your problems can be solved with the help of those who care about you and love you. Maybe even some people here.

    Please just think this over and talk to someone who can help you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 5, 2009
  5. Ameneon

    Ameneon Member

    And his reply was bluntly ignored...

    No. This post, is one of the threads I'm leaving behind. It's the culmination of about a week of careful planning. I've just decided on a time now. I'm not here for help. I'm here because this forum is one piece of my puzzle...

    There's no real problem. Like I've said... I'm not doing this oput of pain. It's a demonstration of absolute power. The power to do what I want with my life. Even the most extreme thing I can do. End it.

    While I appreciate your help, I'm sorry to disappoint you and say it's in vain. I'm replying to you out of respect for your time, and no other reason.

    I have a job. I'm a paramedic. And I'm not saying they don't care. My point has been mentioned. It's my power to do what I want with my life.

    Those answers are already given. Most of my closest ones are aware of my point of view.

  6. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    GAVBRASH: I second everything you've stated, but I know ODIE is well intended and meant no harm in that statement.

    AMENEON: How about giving us some info. on what's led you to this point so that we can talk to you. You should give this site a chance! Feel free to send me a private message.
  7. gavbrash

    gavbrash Member

    Thanks shades.

    Basically... he's just being difficult.

    If there's no real problem then for a start... why the hell are you going to kill yourself? For funsies? For sh*ts and gigs? Or just because you're doing it to spite everything that has happened to you that you don't like so it can't happen again.

    Nah... probs none of those. It's probably because you're so ignorant at people trying to help you that you never have to meet them face to face. So spiteful and ungrateful that you literally have no emotion and thus can't connect with anyone who tries to help.

    Your closest ones can't be close enough if they aren't helping. And that's probably the driving force in this state of mind.

    Get help. And stop being difficult... open up to those trying to help. You'd be offline by now if you were truly going through with it. You care about your life more than you let on... it's why you're still here and replying. It's a start.
  8. Ameneon

    Ameneon Member

    Well, what is there to say? I'm just bored. Have been for as long as I can remember. I'm socially active, play football... Or... "soccer", as I presume most of you call it, I have loads of friends. I'm just.....bored. When it comes down to it, I'd prefer dead.

    I see mod had cut out my method, so I won't repeat it here, but in the end. The last 10 second, when I'm starting to fade away...

    "Those 10 seconds would be - must be - will be much more revealing than 10 years of most other people, Than the whole life of most other people. More true, essential, focused, divine. Purer. 25 years forced into seconds. Refined into pure knowledge and truth. Those 10 seconds would be - must be - will be worth a lifetime."

    I will go, knowing that I have done something for once...
  9. Ameneon

    Ameneon Member

    Well, those are your words. If it makes you happy, I'll be glad to let you believe in them...
  10. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    To be a paramedic and save lives could in some way be interpreted as a demonstration of absolute power, because if not for you, many would die. You hold lives in your hands. Killing one's self is an indication of a psychological or physiological disorder unless there is something you haven't mentioned or if you are terminally ill physically.
  11. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Do you not consider saving lives "having done something"?
  12. gavbrash

    gavbrash Member

    Mike... I'm in awe of that. I actually think you're bang on the money... I definately think he's hiding something.

    He'll tell us... give him time.

    Screw this... I'm in no position to best anything Mike will say. I'm getting some sleep... it's 3.41am for god's sake.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 5, 2009
  13. Ameneon

    Ameneon Member

    Sure. For others. But not for myself? I'm not the kind of PaMe to keep track of saved lives (yes, some of us do), but I know there's a few. But... Does that mean I've accomplished something? If I quit, someone else wil step in, and do the exact same job; saving lives... At work, I'm replaceable. Thus.... I don't feel I've done anything. No.
  14. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Well, I can only repeat what Gavbrash said which is that it appears there is something more to it.

    Just so you know, there was another individual who recently came through here and claimed that he had accomplished everything he had wanted to in life and that he would be of use leaving his organs for others, etc...so you are not the first who's come here to claim their power or superiority in some way (in his case, not necessarily yours) in taking their own life when they wanted to on their own terms.

    And our site responded as we always do, trying to find out why and trying to help save a life. I hope you don't go through with it and feel there is another reason, but I will not continue the dialogue unless you want to. You will have friends here if you want them.

  15. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Let us know how your feeling now?
  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome,

    please let us know how you are feeling today :hug:
  17. Ameneon

    Ameneon Member

    Feeling good. Feeling relieved over having decided. How do you guys feel?

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    having decided what ?
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