Having friends on a site 'like this'.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Wonderment, Dec 30, 2008.

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  1. Wonderment

    Wonderment Guest

    First off I'm going to state that something has been raised recently elsewhere in my life and it's made me wonder and think about these issues. I am not asking these questions due to my opinion, just wondering what other's opinions on the same subject are.

    I would also like this to remain friendly please :D


    When I say a site 'like this' I mean a site where self destruction is very prevalent (so therefore suicide related issues, self harm, eating disorders, etc). This is nothing personal to SF, and not anything related to SF as a site in anyway, more related to the types of people that come here and why they come here (so please don't take this as a personal SF attack, it's genuinely not, it's just raising thoughts related to things I have been thinking recently).

    Do you have friends on sites 'like this'?

    Do you want friends on sites 'like this'?

    Is it fair to want to be friends with someone when you plan to die?

    Do you count people as true friends or 'just' internet friends?

    Do you get affected when a friend does something to hurt him/herself?

    If you have any friends on sites 'like this' do you live in fear that they will do something permanent?

    If you have friends on sites 'like this' do you go into it fully knowledgable knowing that the place you 'met' them means there are risks to any friendships?

    Do friendships on sites 'like this' differ from friendships of those you 'meet' via different types of web sites?

    Is it healthy to have friendships on sites 'like this'?


    These are not specific questions to be answered more just questions that have crossed my mind, so feel free to talk generally about friendships, etc.
     
  2. Rockster

    Rockster Guest

    Do you have friends on sites 'like this'?
    Yes quite a few, some better then others

    Do you want friends on sites 'like this'?
    Yes why not?

    Is it fair to want to be friends with someone when you plan to die?
    Quite alot of people come to SF as a release from wanting to die, and you can see the friendships made here help to stop people from wanting to die.

    Do you count people as true friends or 'just' internet friends?
    Some true friends that i have met and others internet friends, but they still mean a lot to me

    Do you get affected when a friend does something to hurt him/herself?
    Of course

    If you have any friends on sites 'like this' do you live in fear that they will do something permanent?
    With a couple of them yes, that thought is always in the back of my mind.

    If you have friends on sites 'like this' do you go into it fully knowledgable knowing that the place you 'met' them means there are risks to any friendships?
    Never really think of it.

    Do friendships on sites 'like this' differ from friendships of those you 'meet' via different types of web sites?
    Nope except maybe a little more worry

    Is it healthy to have friendships on sites 'like this'?
    Yes, friendships are friendships....

    To be honest i don't quite see the point you are trying to put across here... Friends are friends no matter where you meet them but as i know with some of my friendships here, they have become closer friends then others i have known IRL and online, probably because we all share a common problem, which gives us a lot in common
     
  3. Wonderment

    Wonderment Guest

    I wasn't trying to put across any point, like I said, I was after other people's opinions on issues I have been thinking about recently.

    I don't have any friends on sites that deal with the issues related to self destruction. That's for a lo of reasons, some related to that fact, and some related to me and how I am with people.

    I have seen people recently dessimated by the loss of a friend due to suicide, and they met them on a site where they should have realised that suicide was a very real possibility, and it has scarred her immensely, as it would, because they were friends. I've seen others talk and rant about how they can't cope with seeing their friends self destruct and how much it hurts them, but surely when they made friends on forums where people do self destruct, this is something they should have expected.

    On a personal note, I have found the 'frienships' I have made in the past to be more fragile, more high maintenance, often more manipulative, more unreliable and far more emotionally battering than say friendships that you make on forums not based around the common ground originally being self destruction.

    I genuinely was not trying to make a point, I was merely wondering what other people's views on friendships on sites like this, was, that's all.
     
  4. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Do you have friends on sites 'like this'?
    I've been here about six weeks. And in that time I can think of five people who've directly helped me not kill myself. Beyond the general physiological aspects of severe depression, suicidal compulsion socially isolates you from people who have never experienced the call to suicide. Finding people who know what you're going through is a great step towards shrugging off the paranoia and anxiety attached to suicide isolation.

    I have a lot of positive sentiments about some people on this site. And I try to be friendly with most people :)

    Do you want friends on sites 'like this'?

    People aren't limited to a certain amount of friends. I don't think there's anything wrong with having friends everywhere you go. And if you're in a state where you are seriously acting out self-destructive behaviors or attempting suicide, then yeah, you need all the friends you can get. Especially the ones who know what you're going through.


    Is it fair to want to be friends with someone when you plan to die?

    People who come to this site, come here to survive their suicide compulsions. The people on this board are struggling against some internal disease that manifests itself through the desire to commit suicide. Also, people who are suicidal almost always feel alone and insignificant--so it helps to have somebody say that they care, and they don't want you to die. Simultaneously, as you're helped by these people, you in turn help them.



    Do you count people as true friends or 'just' internet friends?

    I rarely judge people in such superficial terms. It's an ambiguous relationship you've got going on here: people have their lives saved by strangers on a web forum. But people don't intimately know who these people are. Meanwhile, your closest friends and family members either don't know you're struggling with suicide, don't believe you, or don't know how to help you.

    Do you get affected when a friend does something to hurt him/herself?

    Yes. I become very upset when anybody hurts themselves. The more I know somebody the more upset I feel.

    If you have any friends on sites 'like this' do you live in fear that they will do something permanent?

    People have died on this board before. And it's really sad when they die. There's currently X amount of people on this forum who are really struggling against the impulse to kill themselves. Today at the bus stop, surrounded by people in the warm sun, I had to struggle against a desire to fall into the street. A lot of members on this board are in serious trouble, and a few of us will die.

    Hopefully not too many.


    If you have friends on sites 'like this' do you go into it fully knowledgable knowing that the place you 'met' them means there are risks to any friendships?

    Shared experiences aren't risky to friendships in my experience.

    Do friendships on sites 'like this' differ from friendships of those you 'meet' via different types of web sites?

    Absolutely. Meeting somebody by being welcomed and supported is much different from enjoying the same hobby. Here friendships are made on private intimate matters, not superficial ones. For good or bad.

    Is it healthy to have friendships on sites 'like this'?

    Compared to submerging yourself in water, burning yourself, cutting into your skin 51 times in one night? Yeah, I'd say this is a slightly more positive expenditure of energy. In addition to the facetious reason, helping people on this site builds up your self-esteem, builds a community and support group, and is just really good.


    You mentioned that the relationships you fell into (I assume on sites like this) were more emotionally unstable and manipulative. I'm sorry you've had a bad experience--but not going on a site like this because of the danger of becoming hurt is akin to a person battling cancer not joining a cancer support group because some people will die.


    When you're dealing with depression, abuse, and suicide, you'll find heavy emotions. So I'm not surprised you experienced that. However, everyone deals with stress in different ways, and there's definitely some people on this site who are more like me in their relationships online--more so than others who behave much differently than I.

    Jame.s
     
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am not going to address each individual question, but will offer somw thoughts. I have met many people while here at SF. Some have become friends and others remain aquaintances. I can honestly say that a few of the friends are closer to me than the ones I have living near me and that I see on a daily basis. I worry about them all equally as no life is guaranteed for any amount of time. I am not afraid of meeting them and have met a few. Friends share a common bond, a common thread. The bond here just is something that is more difficult to deal with than the usual ones, but they are shared experiences just the same.
     
  6. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I think I am closer here with people then with a lot of people in my life. I have more friends here than anywhere else. Maybe that is not my ideal way of living, but it's ok for me right now. I think it is very healthy, we're all going through the same thing. Who better to help someone who is feeling suicidal, then someone who is feeling it themselves? We know what to say and what not to say. We are not the ones who will tell you to "suck it up." We get enough of that from the outside world so we come here and truly lift each other up (the best we can). So yes I have a lot of good friends here, a couple of which I've talked to on the phone and a couple of which I plan to meet in the next year or someday :heart:
     
  7. MourningAngel

    MourningAngel Well-Known Member

    Do you have friends on sites 'like this'?
    Yes, people are so kind here and I found two good friends and I even my boyfriend here.

    Do you want friends on sites 'like this'?
    Yes because they are so much friendlier and nicer here than anyone else I met before,

    Do you count people as true friends or 'just' internet friends?
    Yes, deffinatly. they are true friends.

    Do you get affected when a friend does something to hurt him/herself?
    Of course, that's completly normal when you're friends, right?

    Do friendships on sites 'like this' differ from friendships of those you 'meet' via different types of web sites?
    Not at all, maybe the fact that we have similar problems, but that's about it.

    Is it healthy to have friendships on sites 'like this'?
    Friends on this sight are there for each other, we help each other as good as possilbe and because we've got similar problems we can understand each other. Some of us find the first people who are nice to them here. Thanks to my boyfriend i can smile so much more. I can feel happy and can say that someone in this world of hell actually likes me.

    This is my opinion. I'm so glad I registered here half a year ago. God alone knows where I'd be now otherwise.
     
  8. Zooty

    Zooty Active Member

    Do you have friends on sites 'like this'?
    I talk to 2 people from SF and consider them both among my best friends

    Do you want friends on sites 'like this'?
    I've never set out to look for friends but if you get on with someone then why not be their friend

    Is it fair to want to be friends with someone when you plan to die?
    On the whole i feel people on SF dont plan to die, they would be gone already they are more here looking for help to avoid it and friends can help with that.

    Do you count people as true friends or 'just' internet friends?
    I consider them internet friends but i dont have any problem with meeting my internet friends in real life im just careful to get to know them first and pick where i meet them carefully

    Do you get affected when a friend does something to hurt him/herself?
    yes probabaly more than it should

    If you have any friends on sites 'like this' do you live in fear that they will do something permanent?
    I worry about it but my 2 friends from here i like to think are sane enough not to do anything too stupid and would talk to me first

    If you have friends on sites 'like this' do you go into it fully knowledgable knowing that the place you 'met' them means there are risks to any friendships?
    I acctually beleive that my friendships from here are stronger than the real ones as we have nothing or very little to hide knowing someones unhappy with life and has considerd ending it is likly more information than you will ever get out of a school mate or co-worker

    Do friendships on sites 'like this' differ from friendships of those you 'meet' via different types of web sites?
    Due to the nature of the site they have too, they come with more emotion and i like to think more understanding

    Is it healthy to have friendships on sites 'like this'?
    probabaly not but its easier to talk to people who know how you feel
     
  9. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    1) I've met many people here that I consider my friends. SF holds some of the most caring and understanding people anywhere. The only real friends I have in my life are 2 people that I met here and we have contact via phone as well as here.

    2) Having friends at SF makes a world of difference. I dont feel so alone when I'm here and I feel like others really understand me, not like in the "real world" where everyone dislikes me or pities me.

    3) My friends understand my thoughts and feelings. We make the best of our friendships one day at a time. I know they dont want me to follow through but I also know they understand.

    4) The 2 people I mentioned earlier are far above and beyond true friends. We may have met on the net but they are the only two true friends I have.

    5) Of course. I wouldnt be human if I didnt.

    6) Yes I do just as they do of me. But like I said earlier, they understand.

    7) Another yep!

    8) Definitely others dont understand or I dont tell them about the real me. It is too painful to explain to people that dont understand depression and suicidal thoughts. When they do find out, they usually turn and run away.

    9) For me personally yes!!! I need to feel connected to someone. It hurts like Hell when you loose a friend from here. I recently lost one and still cant wrap myself around the truth of it. But I also know why it happened. I dont hurt from the loss of my friend but just the idea I guess of never having contact with that person again, atleast not here.

    I like most other members found SF at a time in our lives when it felt like the rest of the world gave up on us and us on it. I think that is one of the reasons you can connect so easily and deeply with the friends one makes here. And you know you have made a friend for the rest of your time here. Without the friends I have made, I would of been gone in November of 2007. It's not a permanent fix but it sure has helped up til now.
     
  10. Twisted Sweet Lies

    Twisted Sweet Lies Well-Known Member

    Do you have friends on sites 'like this'?

    I don't really have internet friends even though I'm on two of these sites. I talk to a bunch of random people. Who I talk to always changes and never lasts long.

    Do you want friends on sites 'like this'?

    I’m indifferent.

    Is it fair to want to be friends with someone when you plan to die?

    No it’s never fair to anyone including family and real life friends.

    Do you count people as true friends or 'just' internet friends?

    I don’t have any close internet friends but a friend is a friend regardless.

    Do you get affected when a friend does something to hurt him/herself?

    No I understand that all of us are here because we have things to deal with. Everyone has problems. That's what the site is for so we can all help and support each other.

    If you have any friends on sites 'like this' do you live in fear that they will do something permanent?

    Again I don't really have friends on sites like this. I basically just reply to what ever post looks interesting.

    If you have friends on sites 'like this' do you go into it fully knowledgable knowing that the place you 'met' them means there are risks to any friendships?

    Not sure what you mean.

    Do friendships on sites 'like this' differ from friendships of those you 'meet' via different types of web sites?

    Not too much actually. When I was on a horse site a lot of us talked about problems we had and about feeling depressed or upset. A few had problems with depression and cutting.

    Is it healthy to have friendships on sites 'like this'?

    It really depends on the people and the situation.
     
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