Having no friends

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by chipped_d, Nov 3, 2010.

  1. chipped_d

    chipped_d Member

    Near me, at least. I'm in college, far away from my old friends, and just not clicking with the people here. I talk to people here, and have made "friendships" - but they feel so empty. As if after today we'd never see each other again, neither of us would think of it or care. My old friends feel distant now too. I know intellectually my parents love me, and some of my old friends still do care - but it's hard to remember that on an emotional, real level when they're not in front of me, where I can see them feel them, talk to them. It makes me feel like I have no one to validate my existence. How does one find self worth when there's no one you care about who says you're worth it? I wish I were the independent, strong type, but the fact remains I am incredibly dependent on other people's opinions - probably because I don't like my own opinion of myself.

    I keep wishing to find someone that I can connect to emotionally, be intimate with - it doesn't even have to be romantic - but it's not happening. How does one cope, being alone?
  2. Juliaa

    Juliaa Well-Known Member

    I understand completely. I'm in the same situation as you are, with the college/friends aspect.

    I do wish to find someone like that too, but it seems so hard, doesn't it?

  3. chipped_d

    chipped_d Member

    Yeah... it's like you can even look for them because they have to come to you, like you're worth being found and run after. I feel like when I have to put the most effort in calling or meeting up, I'm the one who's desperate for companionship. I want someone to need me, someone who thinks I'm a wonderful person... someone who's opinions matter to me. But who would like me, in the unsure, self-hating state I'm in? I hate myself, thus no one really likes me. But because no one likes me, I hate myself. How do I get out of that vicious ciricle? Find my own sense of self-worth, I guess...

    But thanks for the empathy. :hug: Should it make me feel better, though? Misery loves company and all, but it sucks you feel the same way. :(
  4. Juliaa

    Juliaa Well-Known Member

    Exactly, I understand. I want someone to want me, maybe even more than I want them, because that's how it always is.
    I hate myself as well. :/ But I think you're lovely.

    At least we're not alone :hug:
  5. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    I can relate. This is what's bothering me the most right now =( I have people that I occasionally talk to and do stuff with, but I don't know if can call them true friends. A few days ago we went out, and once again I realized how little I have in common with them. I have my parents, but we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. I think its much harder for people to find true friendship than other kinds of relationships and I wished people who had them could see how lucky they are! Most people only find 1 or 2 really good friends their entire life. and like you said, it's much harder to make and keep friendships when you're shy, lack communication skills, or have low self esteem.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 3, 2010
  6. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Welcome to adulthood!

    I'm sorry if I come off as rude at all... this feeling you are getting- trying to make new friends though; that is just how it works outside of "back home..."
    It will be something you learn to deal with and it will feel more comfortable as you get used to it. These 'empty' feeling friendships you have will become something more if you give them some time though.
    Think of all the time you had back home, right?
    There's also an issue of homesickness and not being comfortable- that most people have when they go away from home for college/university.
    I guarantee that you are not the only person who feels that way.

    The loneliness probably won't go away even if you found yourself a deeper connection or got yourself a boyfriend, either... we all wish it would but a hard truth is that a small part of us will probably always feel lonely.
    The best way to forget about how lonely you feel is to stay busy and active.
    Don't let yourself fall into the antisocial category or lock yourself in your room every night and continue to be lonely all by yourself because you will just fall deeper and deeper into your loneliness.

    Surround yourself with people you can enjoy being around, join some clubs, join a committee, get crafty, volunteer, go out, go to the gym - do things you like to do and try new things!
    I'm sure you will feel better if you continue to stay busy.
  7. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I have a cat. It's really, really hard to feel worthless or alone when a little creature who depends on you and adores you completely crawls into your lap mewing for scritches.