I am new to this forum and never ever thought I would be part of a suicide forum. I am a 27 year old male. I have been suffering with what I think is depersonalization/derealization, depression and anxiety since around 2001. I have been a worrier my whole life. I have had a very normal up bringing. Two great parents. A great brother. Great friends. Athletic. In good physical shape. Have a college degree and almost have my Masters degree. But something has just always not been right. I've always felt out of it and just detached from the world around me and myself. I just don't know how to explain it, but it has really always been there in some capacity. I've always been very close to my parents and as I've grown older I get scared of having my own life and them growing older and me being here without them. The thought of it scares me to death. I don't know what first caused my depersonalization and other feelings, but since 2001 I had an episode and it's come and gone in intensity since. Over the last year, the stress of growing up more, having to work everyday, trying to find a girlfriend I trust and have things in common with, and the stress of depersonalization has sucken me into a deep hole of detachment I fear I will never be able to recover from. It is all very hard to describe, but basically I feel detached from myself and the world around me. I sometimes don't feel like I know where I am, though if someone were to ask me where I was, I would be able to tell them. My head hurts from the pressure of thinking about it all the time. I have tired therapists and many different medications, none that have really effectively helped. I just feel at a loss and I am more and more scared of living every day. It is so hard to live in a "normal" life when you feel this way. No one can understand why I feel this way, but yet it is nearly impossible for me to get out of bed every day. I have started to think of suicide lately and it scares me a lot. I have so much to live for, but can't because I am so detached and scared and can't get my mind to change. I just don't know how to keep going on this way. I don't know what I want from this forum and this thread. I guess I thought I'd just get some thoughts out. I could write for days, but just feel too exhausted to do so at the moment. This post is long enough as is.