I've been having thoughts of suicide more frequently this month. I've acted on the thoughts once by overdose on my painkillers only to find myself groggy waking up from passing out the next day. Lately my life has turned for the better and worse; worse being the insurance company might be able to get away with screwing me over and the best news being my family is starting to notice that I need help, they're not really being supportive, but they are coming around and this pleases me immensely. Sadly, I can't seem to help having the desire of wanting to end my life; I am tired of living in a physical world that only seems to care more about which famous person is in a scandal then the wars we fight and the homeless who need help. ( not saying every person has this mentality, just a large sum) Some might say its a way for most of us humans to cope with reality. If this is the best coping method for the marjoirty; I'd rather not be here. well that's how a fraction of me feels- A large portion feels happy to die..as if somehow death is just another form of transcending into the next level of existence.That part of me somewhat believes in Plato's theory of this life being a mere distorted reflection of a divine realm which we humans only see a fragment of and horribly fail to mimic it. I suppose even if that is not true and nothing happens after death- I am content with the idea of just being recycled food for the insects. I'm getting help ( therapy) on the 22nd of this month and I have been calling helplines, helpline's don't really help discourage my thoughts. ( they only offer numbers to legal aid and legal aid can't help me.) I can just pray that my attachment to my family will get me through until I can get profession help.