Having to apply to jobs at places I couldn't care less about

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by TragicActor, Aug 23, 2015.

  1. TragicActor

    TragicActor Member

    So I just finished my coursework for a degree in computer science. I'm sure your first impulse after reading that sentence is to congratulate me, but now here's the bad part. Now I have to find a job. I don't want a fucking job. I don't want to have to spend the majority of my day being bossed around by some employer instead of doing something that I can actually get excited about. And before you say to me, "But TragicActor, you know you need a job in order to live, right?" just know I've already thought about that, and then take another look at the title of this forum and remember why we're all here, mmkay?

    This isn't actually my first degree, either. My first degree was in music. I did really well in school and got good grades, but when it came time to make money as a musician, that went nowhere. I tried going for a graduate degree in music education, but I failed student teaching so badly that the chair of the music ed department actually invited me to find another career path. I spent from 2004 to 2008 working temp jobs until I finally got something permanent because I was so fucking tired of being fucking broke all the time, and all the while going to job interview after job interview fucking hating the interview process because I was tired of trying to impress the fucking interviewer and bullshit them into thinking I actually wanted to be their employee and work at their company, when truth be told, I couldn't give two fucks about them and I just wanted to not be broke anymore, and I knew they felt the same way about me, and they just wanted to use me and make me their bitch, and of course, when they didn't hire me, it was clear they didn't even see me as worthy of doing that - and that was assuming I even got invited to have an interview in the first place!

    I only finally got the job I did because what was supposed to be an in person interview turned into a phone interview because the guy's ass was so scrambled around he couldn't do it any other way, and that's what led to me having a six year tenure as a transcriptionist for a translation agency, roughly half of that time being verbally abused by a translator who verbally abused everybody, but who the company kept around because she could translate five different languages, and who fired three different transcriptionists basically out of that same spirit of abuse. The only shred of luck I got is I got transferred out of that department and away from her when I demonstrated a particular talent for a certain type of job that came in (that involved no translation at all) and when those transcriptions got moved to a different department, I went with them. I was at least happy to not be broke, but I was worn down by not feeling at all inspired by the work I was doing, and got a real sense of how fucked up the human race is by some of the shit I had to listen to and transcribe. But of course, I had no fucking desire to look for another job, because I had no fucking desire to go through another four fucking years of fucking bullshit interviews.

    Of course, in the middle of said job, I manage to get married and have two kids. And now, my income which was sufficient to cover the expenses of a single person is not sufficient to cover the expenses of a family of four. So, seeing as how I'm not actually earning income with my music degree, I find a program where I can earn a degree in computer science and only have to take CS classes. Plus it gives us an excuse to move cross country. Again, the allure of a higher income appeals to me, and by the time I got married and had children, we had to move so far out into the suburbs that I had all the bad parts of living in NYC without any of the good parts, so it wasn't worth it anymore. And, of course, I got to quit my soul sucking job.

    But now, all that has come to an end. And I'm looking at all sorts of job listings, and all I see is the fucking soul suck. Even the process of looking for a job is soul sucking. But of course, my wife is hounding me, "Are you looking for jobs? Did you look for jobs last night? Are you looking on this site? On that site?" And it's just feeling more and more like I can't earn an income in the way I really want to, and the options I have available to me, even with this fancy new degree, just don't seem worth it just to fucking survive.

    And before you talk about me surviving for my wife and kids, I'll point you to the thread where my wife and I are having problems, and I'll just add that, as far as the kids go, all that's providing is a way for my wife to try and poison them into thinking I don't really love them after all, right there while I'm listening, and for my four year old son to go into hysterics as I'm trying to comfort him.