Having trouble keeping it together

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JustAnotherDay, Feb 6, 2008.

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  1. JustAnotherDay

    JustAnotherDay New Member

    I don’t wish to be melodramatic but I really am suffering. I suffer with a speech impediment which only really shows when under duress, i.e. most days. Having recently been made redundant from a long serving job I now have the daunting prospect of trying to find another. This mixed with the problem that I have already suffered depression, have very low self esteem & made stupid decisions in the past with regard to personal issues, has made me feel very suicidal once again.

    I fall to bits when under pressure, I then take it upon myself to get drunk as much as possible just to block some of the emotional pain that I suffer from allowing myself to fall to bits! Heck, I’ve also stocked up on paracetamol hoping to finally take them (yes I know it can take days to take affect). Another constant thought is hanging & the various ways that can be done. Obviously this has affected my personal life & I haven’t been in a relationship for quite some time, I can never seem to fully let go of my inhibitions.

    Basically the only thing stopping me at the moment is my family, however I don’t know for how long I can keep my despairing thoughts from raising through my threshold of being sane.

    If there is a God it must his sense of fucking humour to inhibit the main way of human communication!
  2. spunkmaster

    spunkmaster Member

    yeah i feel ya bro
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hey, Welcome to the forum :welcome: I hope you find what you need here!
  4. beauutyy

    beauutyy Well-Known Member

    well,i wanted to say that i have a speech impediment as well.i stutter,and usually if im nervous,or if i have to talk to like an adult.i get nervous.ha. but, God doesnt do the bad that happens to us. I think about it alot and I wonder, is God playing a game with me? letting me spiral down in this depression..pfft fuck him. but then,i think and i realize that Satan is doing it. Satan is dragging you along his ride,of late night drunkness and is constatnly whispering in your mind to die,because he wants to have control. and if you let him,it only gets worse.

    thats why now,im closer to God that I've ever been.and maybe you dont believe in this nosense,hell at one point i didnt either. but,i've come to realization that God is there and he wants you to take his hand,and he'll help us as long as we rely on him. and yes,the answers never come right away and we never know why,but at least you'd have him on your side.

    sorry,if this is meaningless to you. but i hope you stay alive for a good reason.
  5. spunkmaster

    spunkmaster Member

    i dont think god has anything to do with anybody considering god isnt a fact
  6. beauutyy

    beauutyy Well-Known Member

    thats why they call it faith.theres alot of things that arent proven facts..but people still beileve in them.
  7. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    I agree. :smile:
  8. JustAnotherDay

    JustAnotherDay New Member

    Bless you ‘beauutyy’ for your kind words. I am an atheist until proven otherwise, I just think life is pretty shit then you die.
  9. beauutyy

    beauutyy Well-Known Member

    yeah that's how our society has come to view life,but i like to veiw it as,

    you have all these destinations and corners to turn,and places you havent discovered and people you havent met.and i think that if you think negativity like oh life is shit,then you die...well..where are your corners to turn and destinations to see? they're nowhere. and to make life more exciting i think like that,and at least i have something to look forward to.
  10. Society is to blame for the problems, not God.
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