I don’t wish to be melodramatic but I really am suffering. I suffer with a speech impediment which only really shows when under duress, i.e. most days. Having recently been made redundant from a long serving job I now have the daunting prospect of trying to find another. This mixed with the problem that I have already suffered depression, have very low self esteem & made stupid decisions in the past with regard to personal issues, has made me feel very suicidal once again. I fall to bits when under pressure, I then take it upon myself to get drunk as much as possible just to block some of the emotional pain that I suffer from allowing myself to fall to bits! Heck, I’ve also stocked up on paracetamol hoping to finally take them (yes I know it can take days to take affect). Another constant thought is hanging & the various ways that can be done. Obviously this has affected my personal life & I haven’t been in a relationship for quite some time, I can never seem to fully let go of my inhibitions. Basically the only thing stopping me at the moment is my family, however I don’t know for how long I can keep my despairing thoughts from raising through my threshold of being sane. If there is a God it must his sense of fucking humour to inhibit the main way of human communication!