hayley

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by saint-jimmy, Nov 3, 2010.

  1. saint-jimmy

    saint-jimmy New Member

    i was 12 she was 13 she was my best friend, we always talked, but a year later she killed herself i knew she was depressed but i thought nothing of it, she was bullied at school and noone listened, when i found out i blamed myself and i still do, im 15 now and i really need help with this.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Would you have been able to change things, you would have...please do not blame yourself...that will hurt you and not bring her back...live a life in memory of her and get the most out of it...you deserve it...big hugs, J
     
  3. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Joe, I'm so sorry for your loss. Never doubt that you were anything but a wonderful friend to her. You can't blame yourself, you were so young (you still are), what were you supposed to do? How could you have known what was going on? It's not your fault, always remember that.

    Mim
     
  4. saint-jimmy

    saint-jimmy New Member

    its just i feel so guilty
     
  5. Lexicon

    Lexicon Well-Known Member

    Hello

    I know how you feel. I can say that in all truth and honesty. You feel impossibly guilty because you should have been able to stop her, you should have been able to talk to her and notice more and save her from the awful death she had.

    It's not your fault. God I know how hard it is to accept that, but if she wanted to die nothing on this earth would have stopped her except for maybe a handful of days longer. You can't change what has happened, it happened and it's awful and painful and horrific beyond measure but there's nothing you can do now to change it.

    Remember every single moment you had with her. Remember her. Love who she was, everything she was while you knew her, the happy times, the crap times, everything that made her the person who meant so much to you. You can't change what happened, but you can also remember and love her for who she was.

    I feel for your loss beyond measure. I'm so sorry. I'm sure she was amazing, and you need to move on and live your life now. Thinking of you.

    Lex
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It was not you job to listen it was that of the teachers the principal the staff at the school it was their job to step in to see to hear and to help

    You did your job you were her friend and agood one you were there for her and she would only want happiness for you okay

    You live a life full of happiness for her okay so she did not die in vain

    again NOT your fault okay so dont' even go there
     
  7. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Joe, does your school have a counselling service? I think it would really help you to talk to someone about this. You're so young and you've been through a lot, and you shouldn't have to face this pain alone.

    And you shouldn't feel guilty, although I know I would feel exactly the same. As a suicidal person myself, I know that Hayley would not want you to feel so bad about this. She knows it was not your fault, and it's possible that she would feel guilty for making you feel guilty, as I know that was not her intention in any way.

    Please speak to someone about this; it's eating you up inside.

    Mim
     
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear friend....
    Guilt is a natural part of grieving and you have to keep reminding yourself that you did all you could for her and it wasn't your fault....
    I too lost someone to suicide and understand what you must be feeling...
    I agree that some counseling would be a good idea for you...it helps to have someone to talk to about how you're feeling about your loss.
    we're good listeners here too and i hope you will reach out when you need to..