Sorry but I must go away for a while. I'll turn my back on everyone that cares or know me. I am about to walk out the door without a word, but they were warned about it all even tho they didn't even remotely consider it a possibility. If I want to survive this hell, may as well try a cut from htis hell and see if out there, somewhere, there isn't a green piece of land where I can put on some roots. Whatever it takes to see something different and who knows.... perhaps find a meaning or reason to be. Suicidal guy left but what became of him? I've got nothing to loose, lost it all already or about to. No one seems to care or dare me they do. Out of job, scool sucks, life is at a dead end an no money. Got to eat, drink, have a roof, and bonus if I meet people my age doing the same thing even if for different reasons. I need a break from it all. I dont want to think about anything at this point so a drastic change of air is my last resource. Tomorrow I'll do a search, call up organizations etc.. till I find one that can use me, yes USE ME or better the little I have in me to be productive and feel some worth as a being. Give a sense in being here. So ....So long... see you when I get back (if I do....). This is not mine. Several years ago something in this line I was told and the person just did it. Left all behind and on the plane for .... country. He met a girl down there and married her (who would have thought such a ... would have found love). Well he did and is happy where he is, doing something out of his life and giving purpose to his existance. He came back few years ago to 'visit' and introduce his wife and child to his 'so called family'. Nothing has changed, had changed.... life goes as it always did and will was he told by a schoolmate. (All was as he had left it few years back. ) True, nothing has changed there and knew it deep down; that's why he left.... for a change and he did change and changed it all; himelf for one, his situation, his attitude, his vision of the world etc. He didn't leave to seek fortune but it was his good fortune that he had left. It was not easy to begin, but it all fell into place slowly and surely. He just needed a break and time. p.s. second child on the way and the oldest is in preschool. out of no school degree, the knowing to read and write his language was all they asked him to know.... and share. he is a school teacher down there and they all love him.... he won't become rich as it is a poor country but by all goodness he is happy as never dreamt it possible or existed and that is worth more than any given job back home being suicidal and desperate for love and human stuff.... on that he is blessed and wouldn't give it up for all the money in the world. his misfortune in one place had been the trigger to his good fortune later on. if you don't like where you stand, where you are or what you do.... change it. how worse can it go or be? last saw him in 2004 and will never see him again but knowing he is happy makes the distance very short..... i can feel his happiness and makes me happy so a string remains no matter what.