I have been feeling worse and worse lately. Being around people isn't really even helpful anymore. I know I shouldn't just sit alone with my thoughts because that's when I just cry for hours and things get really bad, but I'm having such a difficult time being around other people. I have to try to keep myself from bursting into tears around other people and trying to hide how I'm feeling is really causing me a lot of stress. I can't even pay attention when people talk to me because I just zone out and start thinking about how I want to die, when I will be able to kill myself, and whether or not I want to leave a note. The only person who knows about the issues I've been having is a good friend of mine, and I told him last week. I felt like I had to tell him because I was scared of what I might do to myself if I just kept everything inside. Now he keeps telling me that I need to go out and have fun and be around others and I know he means well, but he doesn't understand how hard it is for me to do that when all I can think about is killing myself and I want to be alone. And now I'm getting really upset because I feel like he thinks that this can just magically go away and I feel like he is just getting annoyed and fed up with me, and he is the last person I should be upset with, because I really need his help and support right now since he's the only one who knows what's going on with me. He made me promise that I would let him know when I was feeling particularly suicidal, but now I regret telling him at all and am feeling like I might go back on my word. I thought I was helping myself by telling him, but I guess I've just ended up taking one step forward and five steps back.