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He is the only thing keeping me here

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Lilly, Feb 11, 2010.

  1. Lilly

    Lilly Well-Known Member

    Omg. I'm with this guy and I love him so so much! He is my everything, and I would never ever want to hurt him!
    But, lately, things have been really hard. And I don't even know why.
    He says he wants to help me, and I believe him, but I cant even talk to him about it. He gets mad becasue I cant talk to him, but he doesn't really get it I don't think.
    I make him worry sometimes...and then he doesn't leave because he says he likes me better living.
    He makes me promise, before he leaves to go home that he will see me the next day, with a heart beat, and with a smile. I cannot lie to him.
    I have tried to go around it, like, "sure honey, youll see me"
    but then he added in the heartbeat part.
    I know that I hurt him, and that I make him worry about me, but I cannot do this anymore! Like, its soo stupid!
    I even tried to make him hate me so that when I die it will be easier on him.
    He didn't believe anything I said to him, he knows I love him.
    I tried to break up with him.
    But he knew I didn't want that either.
    I know I will hurt him, and that alone kills me.
    It hurts as much as everything else, and I don't even know why I feel like this.
    He really is the only thing keeping me here, but.....
    I just don't know how much longer i can do it.............................
    I don't even want....................like......
    I can't even type hardly....its hard to...do anything!
    I dont want to do it anymore.
    like, I know I deserve death, but he doesn't see it that way!
    I deserve to die, but I can't hurt him........................Its gonna have o be one or the other..........................
    The problem?
    Which one?
  2. Lilly

    Lilly Well-Known Member

    I would now like to apolpgise my random ramble of stupidness.
    I understand that yall prob dont wanna hear about it.
    I am sorry i am such a wate of time.
    Please exuse my need to type.
    Than you
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Lilly,
    You don't have to apologise!!! Thats why we are here.. Each of us have our own problems but being here at the forum we find support in each other... You can ramble or vent all you want.. We are here to listen and offer you that support..
    Maybe you should open up to your boyfriend..It sounds like he is willing to stick with you thru thick and thin..He obviously loves you..Then you also have us to lean on also.. Take care!!