He is toxic and neurotic

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SBV24

Well-Known Member
#1
My rant about my eldest brother,


Honestly i am not sure if i even want to talk about it because i know it is a hopeless case.


I've tried endlessly from time to time to tell my parents about his "real" personality and it took them years to finally understand that i wasnt trying to destroy him rather i was telling them the absolute truth about him and even now that they already know the truth, they don't seem to be really doing anything and honestly even i myself think his personality at 35 years of age will already be permanent. Unchangeable, if it were supposed to changed and corrected it was supposed to be done in his childhood years.


So his personality is: he would put up an act that he is well, well mannered, responsible, dependable, emotionally and psychologically stable to make it seem that he treats us well, to make it seem that he is a good person infront of other people and other relatives.


But ever since we were young, as far as i can remember he is verbally abusive, lock me in closets, would tell us his younger siblings/our nanny/our tutor/some of our neighbors (some our relatives, others we are unrelated)/his teachers and schoolmates --- that we wouldnt get far in life because we are all too stupid that he is a genius, a "must" priority of everyone and therefore far superior than all of us.


He has a tendency to act childlish in an attempt to get all the spotlight to himself even from our nieces and nephew who are all under 10yrs of age, if we do well in school he would belittle our achievements claiming it is not worthy of anything and puts it in the trash.


And when we fight back he pull off this act that we are the ones attacking him, that he is the "victim". He has no friends, everyone reached out, even us but he only blamed us further that we are attacking him so basically everyone fell out of his life and he is consistently telling that it is because we our bad people and jealous of him, claiming that all of us are always on to him to physically harm and kill him.


Wherever he goes, in our provincial residence, in the city we are currently living in, differents schools, boarding houses, review centers and job training locations - he would pull the same act

  1. that people stare at him bad and treats him terribly. That he is pitiful and a victim of everyone (being bullied)
  2. He proceeds to tell my parents that the staff (teachers, managment) school/job mates are treating him badly avoiding him or physically hurting him even though he has no evidence.
  3. He sticks to the victim card.
  4. He then goes of that everyone's incompotent and stupid to handle and cater his superior knowledge which in his grades and evaluation-- he is failing and barely making it.
  5. My parents has numerous times made my sibling handle our eldest siblings fees because he never paid for any of it, even though the management tells us that they recieved no payment from him ever, my parents has given numerous, double ammounts of money for him to pay up but ended nowhere, instead he insist that he paid and that the management is lying and tricking him which is impossible because the same thing always happen in numerous school and management that he has been in and transferred.

I've told my parents numerous times that it is quite impossible that wherever and whoever he is with that he is always victimized by unjust treatment and bullying 100% of the time. Clearly the problem is not from the people but it is directly coming from him, the problem is him but he cant see it because in his mind - "he can do no wrong."


That his perception is always accurate and that how he treats people is what everyone deserves not understanding that how people behave towards him is also a reflection of his behavior to begin with.


They have brought him to a psychologist but as i've told before psychologists here arent that updated and adepth i may say myself, and he is manipulative in putting up an act therefore he came off with zero diagnosis while in my case i am incapable of faking anything -- i am diagnosed with majore depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder and he is one of the many factors why i am psychologically who i am today.


I have told people that me and my other siblings arent bad people that our behavior towards him is not a matter of disrespect but rather we distanced ourselves from him because of his toxic, manipulative and neurotic behavior.


We are not in anyway spreading rumors or destroying him because honestly if we were, we would not stop, we would tell everyone about him nonstop everyday, but we only speak up when we have had more than enough. There is no reason for us to waste our time and effort to falsely accuse him of anything in attempt to destroy him because there if nothing for us to gain.


I want a stress and problem and drama free life. If i have a problem i try to deal with it myself because i know i cant depend on anyone in my family which i why is a must for me to ignore him and distance myself because i have too much in my life and even if my life is easy and that i'm doing fine i would still ignore and distance myself from him because i know how destructive and toxic he is.


Today he left a note telling us that again we are attention whores, stupid and has speech dificiency/difficulty. He is passive agressivelly attacking us and has done this before (years-a deacade ago) which had always brought him in to trouble with whoever is the people that's surrounding him. Our fear now is if he decided to passively aggressively attack other tenants, much more the maintenance crew and the caretaker of the building we are renting --- we might face possible eviction and i am not sure how to deal with this. We are nice to all of our tenants and everyone in this building and we have a clean track record, lately there have been a few asking me about him and his behaviour and it is troublesome for me to explain it to them without worrying i may come off as trying to ruin his image no matter how calm and collected i am in explaining, i just dont want people to view me and my family negatively much more i dont want us to be the talk of the town. I just want to lie a quiet and peacful life but with him heavily depending on us, he is definitely not going anywhere far from us no matter what and how many dramatic victim card/tricks he pulls off.


My parents have told me to ignore him and we have done that even though we are younger and i'm younger by 10years and we have to be the bigger person and act mature while he at 35 remains like that forever and yet he can not understand why we hate and avoid him so much.


If you become close to him he will use you and stab you nonstop.

When he can no longer use you and that you are now aware of his true self and avoiding him, he goes back to playing the "victim card" --- he is nothing but a victim of his own actions and he refuses to take responsibility of it. I am not going to blame him for anything wrong that affected my life even if he really is one of the reasons but at the age of 35 this has to stop.
 

Alwayswrong

Well-Known Member
#2
I'm very sorry for all that you're going through. Unfortunatelly, we can't choose family members, and there are many people that can't recognize they have a problem. But people do see that something's wrong with him. So don't worry because they will see you're not the way he is. When you were younger? You had no choice but to be like a sitting duck for him to bully you. But now you can defend yourself. One way to defend yourself from his aggressive words is just not paying attention to them; it's called 'extintion' and it's a strategy created by Dr. Skinner. Skinner's reinforcement theory states that a behavior is repeated when it is reinforced. So, if a behsvior aimed at a target has no impact on it, one... many times, it ends up extinguising itself. I've seen it works! Just try it.
 

SBV24

Well-Known Member
#3
i consider him dead to me. Me and my Mom were talking and even she has grown tired of him and so is Dad too but for his health reasons we all decided not to tell him this so things for Dad wont get any worse.
 
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