He just looked at me!!

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Painttheskyred, Mar 15, 2007.

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  1. Painttheskyred

    Painttheskyred Well-Known Member

    Hey all im suffuring from extreme paranoia from leaving my house..... i cant seem to walk out the door unless im ill or dieing.... Im not leaving because i think people are looking at me saying things behind my back. I get so bad sometimes i have to go straight back home... and thats when i stay in for weeks on end. Its like everyone laughs when they walk past me im talking ABOUT EVERY1 here from tennagers to OAPs. I cant take it i feel so low i mean like dirt... If someone out there has every truley felt like this.... we can try and tackle this together... because this is something thats holding me back from doing anything with my life and this curse has to go. HELP ME...

    ps Thats a brief paragrapth .

    Cheers TJ
  2. Guy Incognito XI

    Guy Incognito XI Well-Known Member

    My eyesight is poor so I can't see facial expressions. Whenever I see a face pointed in my direction I think people are starting something with me, even though usually they are looking my direction but not at me. This one time this guy was looking my direction so I raised my finger at him. I figured if he is looking at me then F him, and if he is not looking at me then he won't see the finger. EIther way I win.

    Normally when a stranger looks at a person they are not thinking anything. What you feel is a projection of how you feel about yourself. So when I feel confident and smart if someone looks at me I feel positive. Yet when i feel worthless if someone looks at me I feel negative.

    when you look in the eyes of these strangers you are not seeing how they see you, but how you see yourself.
  3. letdown

    letdown Guest

    I completely agree with Guy Incognito.

    Richen- This sounds pretty terrible. Which is a bit of an understatement when I know how frightening it can be.

    Do you see a counsellor? Do you get any help from your mental health team?

    I want to pick up on something Guy says and that is what you're feeling may be a projection of how you feel about yourself. It can also be a sign that you don't have a safe boundary between you and other people- that you are separate from them, and you aren't connected to them to the point that you are the centre of their attention. Most people on the street don't give a fuck if someone has a motorcycling accident in front of their eyes, people live in their own little worlds out there to a very disturbing extent!

    But it is frightening to think that people are laughing at you and talking about you. Why do you think they are doing those things? I often find that when I've been extremely hurt by others I go through periods like this. The world is one big circus and I'm the only person on show. And I know how frustrating it is to have people say it isn't true when it's so real to yourself. I suppose it's good that you recognise there's a strong chance that it isn't true (that you recognise it's paranoia) as it can be very painful to think it is. Have you been hurt recently by anything? Has anything happened in your life that is making you scared or making you hate yourself?

    Best wishes. :hug:
  4. Painttheskyred

    Painttheskyred Well-Known Member

    How do you think i can get read of this shit feeling of people looking at me i agree with what ur saying.. at least u belive people are looking at me .. but ur saying im just taking it the wrong way which i am...i understand where your coming from . but i feel like that even when i feel gd bout myself its just a tiny bit easier to deal with the looks i get.

    Just wondrin is there any meds out there for this sort of thing or something because ive been feeling like this for 5 years now.

    Cheers T.j
  5. letdown

    letdown Guest

    Yes there are anti-psychotics and anti-depressants you could try if you want. If you talk to your GP you may want to try some out and see if you feel better. They may take the edge of what you're going through.

    I also highly recommend finding a counsellor who you feel doesn't judge you and who works with your self esteem and the reasons why you feel like this.
  6. Painttheskyred

    Painttheskyred Well-Known Member

    My parents dont care....about anything but them selfs... They left me high and dry at 15.... because they thought i was a bad kid... i suffered abuse from my dad he used to beat when i had done nofing wrong... my mum mentally abused me. Till this day she trys to convince me that it never happend.
    When i was 15 my parents spilt up they where living together for a while my mum would come home and tell me how many men she had slept with my dad would be crying his eyes out saying dont do this to me please dont... i would hug my dad... never worked tryed talking never worked one day she left for milton keynes i found she had met another man he seemed allright untill my mum mind fucked him aswell. She turnt him into her lapdog as well as my dad. before you know it shes living with him as well as my sister kelly i was at home with my dad untill i moved out to live with my grandad i lived there for 8 months untill my dad said you can come live with me i was over the moon.... IT WAS A TRICK. He never came home. He was always with his gf in oxford i caught on that he was only renting it so he could find me a flat as paying my grandad was to much.... so he says....he payed the rent for a month i got a job then got sacked from my job then lost my flat i tryed asking my dad to help he said i cnt ... i said why he said ,well i just cnt and hung up on me. my landlord was going to lay me as i never had any money to give him. untill horrors of horrors my mum actually let me live with her... i lived there for bout a month.... yep thats right kicked me out i didnt anything wrong... she got me arressted for pushing bk in her chair i spent 8 hours in a cell because she told the police i beat her ( SICK) i push her because one morning i got up from bed and she told me to put my blanket away i said 2 secs mum and she said ok 2 secs later i put it away. Shes walked into the kitchen and saids thats going i said what.. The computer she said and the internet . I said why she said because i never did wat she asked me to do. Then she got onto the phone to my grandad telling him about everything that ive suposley been doing . like not listeing at given her attiude. I said one thing ( I DID) So thought enough was enough a kicked the keyoboard out my lap and grabbed the phone out of her hand and pushed her bk in her chair. Thats it. After i moved out of there and injoy my uncles place for 2 weeks i had to put up with herion, needles everywhere, weed, crack, cokeain, you name it he did it. It was horbile after my uncles i moved into emegency housing in bedford. Then i ended up here. I really dnt wanna write anything else to much. sorry bout the grammer.
  7. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Hello, It sounds like you have agoraphobia. I have agorahobia, and it's frankly AWFUL. I'm like that too, I feel extremely threatend the second I walk out f my door. I feel very scared, threatend, like people are talking about me or plotting against me. I sometimes don't even open my door for weeks on end. I have been known to stay in my apt for a couple or so months at a time. I don't find many people who understand, they just think I'm lazy, or really don't have a problem, who's afraid to work or go out your door? they think. Even my friend Brenda doesn't get why I can't work. She'll drag me out sometimes, and I will go crazy inside, panic, can't breathe, things get distorted, things spin around, I get paranoid (start looking around and around because I think someones after me), things get really bright... just that's a little bit of what happends when I leave my apt. If you still want a friend who understands, then meet your new friend Carolyn :biggrin: .

    :hug: :shake:
  8. letdown

    letdown Guest

    :mad: Being let down, having your trust abused by both your parents and not having a permanent roof over your head really does mess up your mind and how you view other people. What you say about your mother playing mind-games is something I can relate to and not accounting for her actions, having nobody recognise what's happened to you does make you question what is real and what isn't and makes the world a very scary place.

    I'm really sorry to hear what you've been through. :hug: It sounds very very hurtful.

    Where are you now? Are you in permanent accommodation? I feel for you, last year I was homeless for a few months after leaving a destructive family situation.

    Do you have a GP you've registered with?
  9. Painttheskyred

    Painttheskyred Well-Known Member

    I tryed making an appointment today and i even shouted at them over the phone because they where not taking me seriously .... i said this is serious they said sorry we got no appointments... ive been to conciling before doesnt do me justice wat so ever. ONE 2 ONE WITH A PERSON THAT HAS NO CLUE EVEN IF U EXPLAIN THE PROBLEM no thanks you have to step back into my time machine and look at what has happend to know whats wrong with my fucked up mind . I have also been reffered by my doctor to a clinc i went there she wrote a bunch of shit about me i poured my heart out 2 her .... she said i was fine... IM NOT OKAY . I had to asked to be refered i wasnt offered how blind is the bloody doctor to see i shake all the time i pace backwards and fowards when the door goes i hide in another room. There is one thing hat does help me in a way... if you guys can think of a film to inspire me to get outside... it might work... or a song... they both get through to me. Ive been mentored as well... he quick because i slashed his hand open with a razor blade.... long time ago. MIGHT HAPPEN AGAIN. Soz but medcation will be the best thing for me ... i have never asked the doctor for them if i ask will he perscribe them... Cheers guys ... my emotions all jumbled up in there...

    cheers tj
  10. letdown

    letdown Guest

    If you are wanting medication maybe wait for an appointment, print out your posts here (or maybe the whole thread) and hand them to him and let him/her read them. Sometimes printed words have more effect than talking.

    Counselling does take time and it can also take time to find the right person who understands you.

    I hope things get less scary and get sorted out for you soon.
  11. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Sorry, I guess you don't want to take me up on my offer. :sad: It still stands though.
  12. Guy Incognito XI

    Guy Incognito XI Well-Known Member

    remedies to this problem?

    The reality is that most people don't care what you appear like or who you are when they see you public. They are not making any judgements at all from which to be paranoid. In fact these people as they look in your direction are thinking about what they are going to eat today, or whether to throw a sickie to watch the simpsons, or most likely of all when they look at you they are thinking exactly what you are thinking: namely I wonder what that person thinks of me? what is he looking at me?

    and then the more they look at you thinking why is he looking at me, the more you look at that stranger thinking why are you looking at me. Finally you ask 'what are you looking at?'. This is why people who are paranoid are very defensive and aggressive.

    The remedy is therefore to realise no one cares. Once you realise that you yourself will not care.
  13. feelmypain

    feelmypain Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way man...i've gotten so use to it by now, its been like 2 years and it sucks...i hate being use to this...when ever im out and there are people around they stare at it makes me feel like they are judging me or something it makes me feel threatened..i cant even have a normal conversation with anyone in public...i feel you bro..im happy im not the only one that feels like this..when ever im at the stop i get the feeling someone wants to fuck me up and its a feeling that i've gotten use to so much, its a everyday thing...im always on the look out...i hate people who stare at you thinking theyre all that...thanks for posting this topic because i think i just discovered another problem with me...i always thought i was paranoid
  14. Painttheskyred

    Painttheskyred Well-Known Member

  15. feelmypain

    feelmypain Well-Known Member

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