I have had my ups and downs over the last couple of years. My mood has been changing more than Fede Finn og Funnyboys have been sucking but I feel like this is the end of the road for me. I have reached a point where I feel like the ups have been killed, slaughtered, murdered by the downs. During the nights, the memory of being raped haunts me in my dreams and during the day, the memory and thought of my best friend, who's no longer with us, barely ever leaves my mind. My fathers words as he beats me makes my heart break every time. "I wish you were never born." I am fighting to not SH, but I don't even know why and.. I'm just so tired. I'm so tired and I'm so close to finding all the God damn pills in this house and ending it all with those, a bottle of vodka and my razor. I need to. I dont think, I can go on. :sad: I dont know why I named the thread this. It was the thought of my dead friend, I suppose.