He passed on Sunday

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by TheEscapist, Aug 18, 2012.

  1. TheEscapist

    TheEscapist Member

    This past Sunday I lost my best friend, the love of my life. Before I met him I was a narcissist who's only drive in life was to use whoever I could to make myself temporarily happy, come what may. Then I met him and that all changed. I loved him instantly and figured out what empathy was. For once I cared about someone other than myself, and I learned patience and kindess. I did everything I could to make him happy, and he did everything he could to make us happy. I supported him in what he wanted to do, and he gave me the advice, tempered with a hint of frankness, that I needed to better myself. We had a complicated dynamic that most people looking in didn't understand. Strangers always assumed we were a couple, even when we weren't. Our friends and family hated us being a couple. Although they said they knew we were right for one another. We went from being lovers, to enemies, and back to best friends. If I needed him, he was always there for me. And if he needed me I was always there for him. We knew we were "the one" for each other, but never got to that place because we put everyone else's views above our own happiness. But I still loved him with all of my heart, like he loved me.

    Then on Monday I found out that he died. His sister emailed me to tell me the news. She said she didn't know what terms we were on, but wanted to let me know he was gone. I'm still in shock that he's not here anymore, although I know he's passed on to another phase of life. I'm angry that he left me here to go on without him. But I'm happy that he's now free of the pettiness that screwed up his life and kept us apart. I know he's happier now, I can feel it in my heart. But I wish he wouldn't have left me here to live without him. He was my best friend and whenever I was sad or felt lost, if I heard his voice I instantly felt better. If I looked into his eyes, I knew without him saying a word, that he loved me. Everyone keeps telling me that things will get better and that I will move on, but I'm not sure. When he died, a part of me left with him. Now I feel like I'm just waiting to see him again. Like each day is one step closer to me leaving this Earth and being with him again.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    The pain the sadness does lessen some hun but it take time it does. My heart still aches when i think of someone He would want you to live and be happy and use those skills he taught you to keep improving your life hun. I am so sorry you lost such a good friend hugs
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    In many ways, the relationship I had with my best friend was similiar...we were not supposed to be lovers but hearts know no logic...when he died I felt like I did not know how to breathe anymore...twenty years have passed, I still miss him everyday, and usually around late afternoon, I think of something I would have told him...like your friend, my friend would have wanted me to live a fulfilled life, and know, you will have his voice with you, a guide to help you...I am very sorry for your loss
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    i am sorry this has happened to you. i don't think i have been that close to somebody but i wish i will soon.