He took advantage

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by vincali, Feb 7, 2016.

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  1. vincali

    vincali Member

    He took advantage because I was in love. Whenever I post on SF I catch myself trying to hide things but I don't want to hide anything because it stays in my head and I can't get it out. I was sexually abused when I was in elementary school by an older friend I had. When I got to middle school guys would sneak behind their friends backs to talk to me. They were very sweet but not in public. I remember a time in my 7th grade math class where this boy called me so I listened and he said all the things he wanted to do to me and that scared me, I started crying in class. I met a boy and we'd talk in history class since we sat together and he was so sweet he always said he loved me but again never in public only over text. I was very sexualized. I thought I loved this boy. In high school I always drank too much and never remembered my sexual encounters with men. I was at a party and someone slipped something in my drink. All i know is that I was with 3 guys that night. When I was 15 I lost my virginity to my cheerleading teams coach assistant. He invited me to a party and I went. He carried me into the room and it happened. This makes me so sad. I transferred schools and my ex who hadn't seen me since I moved schools wanted to hang out so we did. We went to the roof of my new school and we had sex. After that it was dark and he walked home and i stayed outside waiting for my dad to pick me up. I'll never forget how I felt that night after I had just given this guy my love. I was so lonely. It hurts so much. I met a guy and I thought he was different. He wasn't much different because he got me drunk the first night and had sex with me. I don't remember but I woke up naked next to him. Despite that I stayed and we saw each other for months after that. But things weren't changing and he would sneak me out of his house when his mom was over. He didn't even let me follow him on any social media. He'd use my past reputation as an insult to me a lot. He'd try telling me what to do and i did it. I did it. I was so stupid. We got into a fight and I felt scared of him. I was almost always drunk when we were together. He said that he wouldn't want to hurt me but since he was always around girls that he might cheat on me. And I'm so stupid I should have not stayed with him. Because now I'm broken and all the things he said and did to me stayed inside. The point is that guys love me until I want to be included in their life untilI want to meet their friends or be introduced to their family. I'm a human and I deserve to be treated nice. I'm just so sad that this is the story I have so far to leave.
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I am sorry that you have such bad experiences - I do not blame you for feeling sad. Every girl I have ever known has been 'stupid' over a boy (or a girl) at some point. I was very stupid for many many years, and the more we let people treat us badly, the more we think that is all we can have and certain types of people take advantage of that. You deserve better but only you can give it to yourself, by refusing to accept less. Do not have sex with any guy that will not say "This is my girlfriend" to the whole world.

    There will always be jerks who want to use you - and sometimes they will hide it too well for you to be able to tell until they have hurt you - but that is on THEM being a shitty person not you. The things you did are not who you are. You can start a new page right now and fight for yourself - give yourself the things that you deserve. The things you did when you were young and broken do not define your whole life. They do not define who you are. YOU do that. You choose. Choose good things for yourself *hugs*
  3. vincali

    vincali Member

    Thank you so much. It's a blessing to have forums and pages like this that help you cope with difficulties in life. You're an amazing person and I'm so glad I joined. Everyone has been helping me in more ways than I can ask for.
  4. booklovr

    booklovr Well-Known Member

    hi vincali
    Lu is right.there are guys who'd love me on text and then go let this just be bw us.it feels normal..even obvious as they say it...yeah why ? Who would I want to tell.
    But no.no . Don't. Never again.
    The guy needs to accept you .with all your flaws.
    He needs to give you respect.and believe me that guy will .come. We have to wait the longest for the best of things.
    Don't worry hun. Learn from your mistakes.

    Ystrday a frnd told me she had been dating a guy for 15 months.and wen I asked her....it turns out they havnt even kissed.
    That is what in talking about.a guy who loves you and not your sexuality.
    Good luck honey..
    And may you find the purest of love and seamless bliss.
  5. ALostSoul

    ALostSoul Member

    I think you need to find someone else... to love you for whom you are.
    But before you do that, YOU need to find yourselves and love you for whom you are.. the past is the past... you can't change that and you can only learn from it. Do not hate yourself for it.. and do not use the past as whom you are now.
    Those that you met are arseholes.. and not a reflection of you.. never think that if you treat someone nice.. EVERYONE will treat you nice.. that's fairy tales.
    Of 10 people you meet, you might only get ONE person who is nice.. but guess that, ONE person is ALL you need.
    Love yourselves... don't depend on other.

    One lesson I learn, if you hold off sex past the 5th date.. then you will have a better chance to net youselves a gentleman.
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