1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

he took my heart with him.

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by emilie_grace, Aug 9, 2006.

  1. emilie_grace

    emilie_grace New Member

    i spent my past year living in the czech republic as an exchange student and i returned home in july. while i was abroad, i met the most amazing guy in world, miklos. we had this connection, and he quickly became my friend. over the course of the year, we grew to love and trust each other like no other.

    in may, miklos shot himself after deciding that he couldn't deal with his depression (which i never, ever suspected he had). he wrote suicide notes to me and his mother, explaining that he loved us and didn't deserve anything we'd done for him. i'm a complete wreck without him. miklos was my best friend and i don't know what i'm going to do without him in my life. please help me. do these feelings ever go away? i feel like i'm going crazy without him. and i'm struggling with faith; i used to be a strong christian, but now i find myself asking "if god loved me, why would he let this happen?" please, send me your support; i can't do this alone.
  2. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    im sorry for your story.You dont need to be alone.im not feeling very good tonight so my reply wont be useful but i just wanted to say hi and welcome.We are here for you.i am here for you.i hear your pian and am sorry for your loss.i hope you can be less alone here and get some friends and support.There are some really fantastic people here!If you ever would prefer to talk privately or need a friend or additonal support or anything really please feel free to PM [private message] me or whatever at any time.i want to be here for you and i hope you can find this place useful.You are not alone and im sorry you are struggling so much right now.

    Please take good care and know we are here
  3. x-hateful-x

    x-hateful-x Member

    heya sweetie, thought i would answer a few of your questions. I lost my best mate 6 years ago and although i do think about her all the time i now knwo her suffering is over.she overdosed in her bathroom i was downstairs, i also had no idea that she was going through depression, she also left me a note to say goodbye and explain her reasons why.

    The feeling of alone never goes completely but over time it is covered by thoughts of her being at peace, thats the one thing that gets me through day after day.

    It wont be easy but with time you will learn to accept he has gone and know he is happier where he is.

    stick in there hun and always know he is watching you, that he loved you and that you did everythign you could.

    i hope this has helped, if you need anything pm me.

    love ya lots and take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ElliE xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  4. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    I relate to you so much.
    Yeah, Brian was my closest philosophical comrade. He loved me and I loved him more than any other human being. He was my guru and could do no wrong in my eyes. He taught me so much about life and how to stay true to the search. and then he called me to say some bull about the agricultural revolution and how if the human race was in balance with the rest of the world, there'd be no psychological pain or gender inequality or shortage of resources or epidemics. 'some people aren't meant to survive' he said. in reference to his depression and inablity to accept the vast difference between humanity as it should be and how it has become and how almost no one questions it. he was addicted to numbing himself with pills, plus he was in physical pain. but that day when he called he said like 3 times, "i just want you to know that I love you."
    then he shot himself two days later. it's been three months and i still cry all the time and can't get myself together. He triggered my relapse into agitated depression and I'm suicidal for the first time since I was 15. What do you do when your spiritual guide decides to end his life? i couldn't avoid this descent. all i know is that we can't make rash decisions in the wake of someone else's suicide. when your'e not thinking clearly and you're blinded by grief it's better to deal with the loss than fixate on the bad things it's done to you...so you don't get caught up in hopelessness. sorry to be negative but it's honest.
  5. Casey.

    Casey. Well-Known Member

    Please know that you're not alone, and that things get so much better. The feelings remain, but you learn how to tolerate them better, and it doesn't hurt as much. Ending the grief doesn't mean you don't love him, it just means that you're accepting what he did. I'm very sorry that you lost someone you loved. You're not alone.
  6. Xian

    Xian Well-Known Member

    emilie and Valis,

    I cannot even imagine the pain that you are feeling, because I've never had someone I've been close to commit suicide. But I just wanted to say that if it was me, I'd like to believe that I would live *for* them. Just because your friend is gone, doesn't mean that you have to forget them.

    When I was sucidal, the most heart-breaking thing I could picture was my family and loved ones, and how they'd be affected by my (self-inflicted) death. Even though I wanted to die, I never ever ever for a moment wanted to indirectly "kill" anyone who would've missed me. So stay alive, because it's what your friend would've wanted. Stay true to that and move on.
  7. deathdomepart

    deathdomepart Active Member

    im no christian but my mother is and she says that god is responsable for the after life not what happens whilst your alive. so what im saying is that although he is dead he is now being looked after.

    charlotte xxxx
  8. nakedbodi

    nakedbodi Member

    God is not responsible for the deaths in this world... it was His enemy. He just allows things to happen to test our faith. I am sounding preachy, I know, but if I don't allow myself to believe that someday, God will bring me my loved ones back, then there will be no use living at all.

    You don't have to do it alone. Nobody can do it alone. When ever you need someone to talk too, you can either go here or... look around... there's so many around you who cares.
  9. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni




  10. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    I am sorry for your loss of your good friend. Nothing can replace him. There are no words to express either. I want to cry with you. Please check a site
    I found, www.memory-of.com.
    There are many others that struggle with recovery, feelings and grief.
    I will be thinking and praying for you. Hope to hear how you are doing.
  11. TearsDropBloodTrickles

    TearsDropBloodTrickles Well-Known Member

    Thats not a very christian thought...if you are following your faith correctly...