We've never spoken before so I don't know what your father did to hurt you, but take it from someone who was verbally and physically abused by his dad for years and tried to kill himself; it was the stupidest thing I've ever done. I've learned that I was giving him more power over me than he had by letting him get to me like that. This was 9 years ago and I still have issues, but I'm living a relatively decent life now that I'm no longer around him. You can do it too. Don't let him take anything more from you than he's already taken. I hope you will be ok, take care.
My biological father probably didn't hurt me the same way yours hurt you, but he did abandon me. In fact, most of my family is uninterested that I even exist. Most of my life, I have felt empty. But seeing so many people here who are suffering doesn't make me feel less alone. I hope you don't let your bio dad destroy what is left of your life. Every time you relive what he did, he does it again. He still has the power over you. i know how it feels to know that the last bit of power you have is to end your own life. I hope someone can make a difference in your life before it's too late.